Today is 5 years since I started this blog. 5 years, 2 weeks and 1 day since that terrible day in 2009. 5 years, 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days since my first miscarriage. It’s also 4 years, 2 weeks and 0 days since the birth of W. 1 year, 7 months, 3 weeks and 3 days since my last miscarriage. 9 months, 3 weeks and 5 days since baby B was born.
I think it’s safe to say that our story has a happy ending. We are done having kids and are in the process of making that final. I know there are no guarantees in life, but my journey through pregnancies and miscarriages is over. I will not have another miscarriage. My mom said to me a while ago, “Aren’t you relieved you don’t have to go through that again?” And I am.
This is the end of my blog. I’m leaving it up, but this isn’t a mommy blog (obviously.. the last update is Baby B’s birth). My boys are happy and healthy and funny and sweet. I have a charmed life now.
*****************************************************************
Almost every night, I tell W how much I love him. It’s like a mantra that I whisper to him at bedtime. He has started asking me about it as only a 4 year old can.
“What if you didn’t have me, Mommy. Would you still love me?” “What if you had another little boy? Would you love him?”
How do you answer that? I almost didn’t have you. I almost had a different little boy. I would love him very very much. I wouldn’t have known about you.
I tell him that I think he is amazing and I’m grateful to be his mommy. I’ll always love him no matter what.
*****************************************************************
Even though the journey was filled with terrible days (and weeks and months), I wouldn’t change it. I’m lucky to have some through on the other side. Thank you for being there for me.
