#5

Here it is. I tested on a real test this morning. I think this is pretty clear. 

I also tested on an internet cheapie this morning. I was just as blank as the others. As I was pulling it out of the packet, I noticed the expiration date. So that could be the reason that I'm not getting any kind of results. I'm going to throw the rest of them away. I'm surprised that the expiration date really means something. 

This means I won't have any pregnancy tests in my house. I think that could be a good thing. I won't be tempted to keep testing and testing. 

EDD is June 11th. I'm calling the doctor later on today to get an appointment. Let the crazy days of complete crazy fear begin!

One day late

Today is cycle day 27. I have only had one 28 day cycle in the past few years and it was the cycle immediately following my D&C. I usually go 25-26 days. So I am officially late.

Let’s start at the beginning. This is my 4^th cycle of trying (as I have been complaining about because I’m annoying). I used cheapie ovulation strips this time. I started on CD 7 and started to panic around CD 12. With a 26 day cycle, I always thought that I ovulated on the 12^th day. The line started to get darker on CD 13. It peaked the morning of CD 14. I had read lots of information about the sticks (thank you LuckyOnce!). I knew that ovulation was about 24 hours after the peak and that’s what we aimed for.

Here is a picture of those sticks. It was fun using them, especially when they started getting darker. M thought it was gross that I had them all lined up on the bathroom vanity. I liked it. It made me feel like I was in control (which I know is not true). The sticks are now close to 2 weeks old, so the darkness of the lines is a little different than it was when they were new. I also liked that you aren’t supposed to use FMU and I could do these when I was totally awake!

Every cycle of Trying Again has been the same. Sore boobs for the entire 2WW. I did not let this get me excited this time. I didn't test until the day AF was due. I didn't get my hopes up. I only browsed the June 2013 birth club once or twice. That's good for me. 

I POAS on Sunday morning. But it wasn’t FMU. I really had to go at 4:30 am I didn’t want to fumble around in the dark and spill pee on anything. Plus I wanted to be able to get back to sleep! I did use one when I woke up and it came up completely negative. I spent lots of time yesterday going to the bathroom and checking to see if I had any spotting. Nothing happened. Around 3 pm, I opened the drawer where I hid the test and if I tilted it just right and turned my head and squinted, I could maybe see a little something. But I’ve been around long enough to know that it could be an evap line and I was stupid for looking at it 8 hours later. But I know everyone does that. I let M know that AF hadn’t shown up while we were eating dinner (how appetizing!)

This morning I POAS again and we looked at it together after breakfast. We both kind of stared at it. I wouldn’t say it is 100% negative. It could be a little positive, but it is very very very light. M saw it, though. I know he is not crazy. I've already shown this to a few internet friends. The majority is saying that they can't see anything. I can't see anything on this picture, either. 

This isn’t my BFP announcement. This is my AF is late announcement. I’ll keep testing and I’ll let you know when I get a for sure BFP or a for sure end of this cycle. 

Feeling better about this

Here is today's test (on the right). It is looking much darker and feels real. I also have a very dark line on a First Response, but I sent myself the wrong picture this morning... Oh no!

I told M about it this morning. I wanted to wait for Christmas, but I can not keep a secret to save my life, especially one this big! He was grinning all morning!

EDD is Sept 2nd. I'll call for the first appointment on the 27th. I still think it's too early to call the doctor.

I'm so happy to see so many familiar names in my comments. You all have a special place in my heart and it makes me feel warm and cozy to know you're still out there.

VFP?

You can't see it on the pictures. I can see something at home. Of course I'll keep testing!

I wasn't haveing symptoms yesterday and pretty much talked myself out of testing this morning. But I woke up and my boobs felt huge and achy, so I waited until DH was shaving (in the guest bathroom) and tested and hid it in a drawer until I could take the picture. I didn't tell him because he would really think I was crazy right now!

An Accidental Surprise

Well, where to start? I’ve been trying to catch up on my Google Reader these past few days. You guys have been busy.

I do have a ton of pictures and a ton of things to say about my awesome trip, but that’s going to have to wait.

Of course I have guilty feelings about publishing this. I’m so sorry if reading this brings you any kind of pain. I’ve cried at the news that people are pregnant and I’ve cheered at the news. I hope you will cheer for me, but I understand the tears and I do wish you all the best.

I guess I’ll go right into it. We left for our trip to Scotland on Wednesday. I expected AF on Saturday, Sept 5. I had packed a ton of “supplies” because I didn’t want to have to find a store and use unfamiliar stuff. I’m very brand loyal and I don’t like the unexpected. On Saturday, nothing happened. That was fine, I decided with the time change and stress of travelling, I could be a little late.

On Sunday I was in denial. We stayed at a place that had pink toilet paper, so that tricked me.

On Monday I realized that something must be up with me. I told M that we needed to stop by a pharmacy. We were in Inverness (that is the city next to Loch Ness) that night and that’s enough of a city to have actual stores. I bought a 2 pack of Boots brand (think Rite-Aid) tests. I was still in denial. There’s no way. We didn’t touch each other at all during that open window, just like we had decided.

This is what I saw on Tuesday morning. Holy crap. These tests always confuse me, so the positive line is the vertical line in the square window. The control lines are the vertical line in the circle window and the faint horizontal line in the square window. I went to two different pharmacies to find the prenatal vitamins, folic acid and baby aspirin. I calmed down once I had everything.




Thursday was my first due date, we talked about it a little, but we were crazy busy and we were overwhelmed with this news. I highly recommend going somewhere on your due date. My mind was so full with the sightseeing that I couldn’t dwell on what we’d lost.

I thought I would be scared out of my mind. But, no… I would describe myself as completely numb. I refuse to think about the future. It’s not as hard as you would think. When my mind starts wondering, “how far along will I be…” I stop on specifically think about something else. It’s working great so far. I am taking this one pee break at a time.

I’m not even going to start with the fears I have about starting vitamins and folic acid late, going to the dentist, taking allergy medicines, and downing the whiskey!

The main reason I was in denial is the complete lack of symptoms. The last two times, I knew I was pregnant before the tests. My chest was aching at about 3.5 weeks. They are barely starting to hurt now, and it is just little twinges every few hours. I tell M each time I feel some pain and he looks reassured. Other than that, we don’t talk about it at all. I will now go back to not thinking about it. I’m going to call the doctor today at lunch and get my first appointment.

M left for Hawaii this morning. I’m 5 weeks today. I will pass my first milestone of 5 weeks and 3 days on Thursday. He comes home on Saturday. Due date is May 17th. Try not to think about it!!!