Keep on truckin’. I’m feeling good.
The good: Lots of movement. Not a lot of back pain this week. M was able to feel the baby move a few times this weekend. We were laying in bed over the weekend and I started getting some big kicks. I made him hold his hand over the spot for a while when we got a bunch of good kicks right in a row. He was smiling so much. Later on that day he hugged me and told me, “I felt the baby this morning!”
We talked about names a little more. M had two favorite names (which I don’t like). I have two favorite names. He likes the girl name, but isn’t too sure about the boy name. The baby name book is on the coffee table and we both pick it up and look at it, but we don’t talk much about it. I know lots of couples pick out names before they even get married. We are not like those couples. I’ve convinced some friends that we’re naming the kid Xavier Yvonne (our last name starts with a Z). They believe me.
My mom is going to come down in early February and we’re going to register. We have officially picked the nursery furniture. We still won’t order anything for a while. But we know.
The bad: Nothing bad this week. I do freak out when I don’t feel movement for like… 5 minutes. Then I talk some sense into myself and calm down. Then usually I get a nudge or a kick.
The ugly: The zits came back last weekend. It was gross. Then they went away again. I’m still cranky and tired. I have a short fuse right now and some people are rubbing me the wrong way. I wish I could just growl at them. Work is stressful for stupid reasons and someone outside is using a landscaping tool that makes annoying noises.
Showing posts with label symptoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label symptoms. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Braxton Hicks
Ok, well now I know what Braxton-Hicks contractions feel like. And the articles are right-on.
Yesterday afternoon I was working and my stomach/uterus area felt tight. I walked around a little and it was mildly uncomfortable. I didn’t think much about it. It went away after a while, but I wasn’t focused on it.
Yesterday night, it happened again and it was crazy uncomfortable. It didn’t hurt at all, I just couldn’t get comfortable. And my uterus area was hard as a rock. It took a while to go away and once it did, I was almost sore and I just kept hoping it wouldn’t come back. Of course, we went to bed in the middle of it, so I had plenty of time to get worked up about it. I convinced myself it was the beginning of the end. It took me about an hour and a half to finally fall asleep. Then I woke up because I drank a sh!t-ton of water before bed (I remembered something about dehydration causing the contractions). It hasn’t happened since then and I looked up the articles on Braxton Hicks this morning. It’s the first time the internet has actually calmed me down. I haven’t had anything happen since last night (except for the monster kicks and flips all morning).
I told M about it this morning. “That just means you are getting bigger.” Thanks, Dr M.
Yesterday afternoon I was working and my stomach/uterus area felt tight. I walked around a little and it was mildly uncomfortable. I didn’t think much about it. It went away after a while, but I wasn’t focused on it.
Yesterday night, it happened again and it was crazy uncomfortable. It didn’t hurt at all, I just couldn’t get comfortable. And my uterus area was hard as a rock. It took a while to go away and once it did, I was almost sore and I just kept hoping it wouldn’t come back. Of course, we went to bed in the middle of it, so I had plenty of time to get worked up about it. I convinced myself it was the beginning of the end. It took me about an hour and a half to finally fall asleep. Then I woke up because I drank a sh!t-ton of water before bed (I remembered something about dehydration causing the contractions). It hasn’t happened since then and I looked up the articles on Braxton Hicks this morning. It’s the first time the internet has actually calmed me down. I haven’t had anything happen since last night (except for the monster kicks and flips all morning).
I told M about it this morning. “That just means you are getting bigger.” Thanks, Dr M.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Waiting, take 5
Here I am again… writing the same post I’ve written before. I have my appointment at 2 pm today and I’m freaking out. I feel like I’m going to vomit, but I think that’s because my nervous system is out of control.
I had tons of “flutters” on Friday and Saturday, but nothing really yesterday or today. This must mean something is wrong.
I talked up the pregnancy a lot over the weekend. This must mean I jinxed it.
My Mother-in-law’s entire Thanksgiving prayer was about how thankful she is for this little one on the way. I’m sure I’m going to let her down.
I’m supposed to visit a daycare center after the doctor appointment. I’m thinking of just cancelling it now.
Writing all this out makes me feel like a drama queen. I’m doing it so I can either (a) come back and feel reassured (if everything is actually ok) when I feel like this again or (b) just feel like I can say “I told you so.”
I’m not sleeping at all. I was awake most of last night in freak-out mode. I’m sure that IF this baby is fine, it will have a neural tube defect. They’ll (hopefully) test for that today when I get blood drawn for the quad screen.
I had tons of “flutters” on Friday and Saturday, but nothing really yesterday or today. This must mean something is wrong.
I talked up the pregnancy a lot over the weekend. This must mean I jinxed it.
My Mother-in-law’s entire Thanksgiving prayer was about how thankful she is for this little one on the way. I’m sure I’m going to let her down.
I’m supposed to visit a daycare center after the doctor appointment. I’m thinking of just cancelling it now.
Writing all this out makes me feel like a drama queen. I’m doing it so I can either (a) come back and feel reassured (if everything is actually ok) when I feel like this again or (b) just feel like I can say “I told you so.”
I’m not sleeping at all. I was awake most of last night in freak-out mode. I’m sure that IF this baby is fine, it will have a neural tube defect. They’ll (hopefully) test for that today when I get blood drawn for the quad screen.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Flutter talk
Remember how I was talking about those flutters last week? And how I KNOW they aren’t the baby moving, but they give me some hope that there is someone in there? I’m not the only one that loves them!
I told M about them a few times. He has nodded and kind of acknowledged them like any of my other symptoms. But on Sunday night, we were reading on the couch (the cable went out) and I told him I could feel them. He looked at me and asked if he could feel them, too. He had the sweetest look on his face, he wanted to feel them more than anything! I wish I could give that to him. Just a few more weeks, right?
I gave more blood to the CF doctor yesterday. It took three sticks for him to get a vein. They didn't hurt, though, and I don't have those awful bruises that you usually get when they miss. M said it was a good thing he wasn't there. He never would have made it through the first one. After he got enough blood, the doctor talked economics with me. He was curious about what I'd pay for some of these tests. It's hard to look back and say what I would have paid before I knew anything about the different strains of CF and all the mutations. I think he was disappointed in my answer. Then he told me they are going to shift their major focus to paternity tests (while still researching the CF tests) because those have a high demand. How scary is that?
I just scheduled a tour of a day care facility. It is right after my appointment on Monday. I had to cancel two tours in May because of my miscarriage. Now I’m stressed out.
I told M about them a few times. He has nodded and kind of acknowledged them like any of my other symptoms. But on Sunday night, we were reading on the couch (the cable went out) and I told him I could feel them. He looked at me and asked if he could feel them, too. He had the sweetest look on his face, he wanted to feel them more than anything! I wish I could give that to him. Just a few more weeks, right?
I gave more blood to the CF doctor yesterday. It took three sticks for him to get a vein. They didn't hurt, though, and I don't have those awful bruises that you usually get when they miss. M said it was a good thing he wasn't there. He never would have made it through the first one. After he got enough blood, the doctor talked economics with me. He was curious about what I'd pay for some of these tests. It's hard to look back and say what I would have paid before I knew anything about the different strains of CF and all the mutations. I think he was disappointed in my answer. Then he told me they are going to shift their major focus to paternity tests (while still researching the CF tests) because those have a high demand. How scary is that?
I just scheduled a tour of a day care facility. It is right after my appointment on Monday. I had to cancel two tours in May because of my miscarriage. Now I’m stressed out.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
15 Weeks
I’m in uncharted territory.
Good things: I’m still kind of tired. I’m waiting for the second trimester energy to kick in, but I haven’t seen it yet. That’s fine with me. I don’t really mind lounging on the couch and not doing laundry. My house is getting messy, though. The boobs are barely hurting at all, but they are changing. I’ve got these blue veins that I can see and it grosses me out. I can only see them in the mirror. I spend a lot of time staring at various body parts in the mirror. I’m getting a little bigger. My abs feel like I’ve been doing sit-ups (as if I would know what that feels like).
Great things: I’ve read everywhere that these little flutters are not baby movements. Fine. I believe you. But they are something. I didn’t have this before pregnancy and I have a lot of gas problems. This is something else. Everyone on the birth boards is talking about them now. So this isn’t a kid kicking me. I’ll call it “Uterus flutters” and I’ll put it in the symptom column. However. There was something. Something completely and totally different than these little flutters. I was running all over the office and bending up and down and carrying plans all over the place and in a tizzy because of some work thing. When it all calmed down, I sat in my chair and took a deep breath. That was when something (I won’t say who or what) tapped me from the inside about 4 quick times. It was light like a fingertip and right down there where a baby lives. It was just that one time. I’m still not saying I felt baby movement… but I’m also not saying that I haven’t.
Bad things: I’ve lost my confidence from the appointment on Thursday. I’m not gaining weight. I still am the only person in my household that thinks I’m showing.
In normal life: I dropped off some blood for the CF doctor yesterday. They made a discovery about blood draws while I was sitting there (something about blood flow – I wasn’t watching). I felt cool to be helping them out.
I’ve heard so much about how once you’re past 14 weeks, your chance of miscarriage goes down again. Yeah? I thought it went down at 6 weeks… or 10 weeks… or at the 2nd trimester… This feeling will never go away. I know I’ll feel better once (if?) I can feel someone kicking my lungs. Come on time! Speed up!!!
Good things: I’m still kind of tired. I’m waiting for the second trimester energy to kick in, but I haven’t seen it yet. That’s fine with me. I don’t really mind lounging on the couch and not doing laundry. My house is getting messy, though. The boobs are barely hurting at all, but they are changing. I’ve got these blue veins that I can see and it grosses me out. I can only see them in the mirror. I spend a lot of time staring at various body parts in the mirror. I’m getting a little bigger. My abs feel like I’ve been doing sit-ups (as if I would know what that feels like).
Great things: I’ve read everywhere that these little flutters are not baby movements. Fine. I believe you. But they are something. I didn’t have this before pregnancy and I have a lot of gas problems. This is something else. Everyone on the birth boards is talking about them now. So this isn’t a kid kicking me. I’ll call it “Uterus flutters” and I’ll put it in the symptom column. However. There was something. Something completely and totally different than these little flutters. I was running all over the office and bending up and down and carrying plans all over the place and in a tizzy because of some work thing. When it all calmed down, I sat in my chair and took a deep breath. That was when something (I won’t say who or what) tapped me from the inside about 4 quick times. It was light like a fingertip and right down there where a baby lives. It was just that one time. I’m still not saying I felt baby movement… but I’m also not saying that I haven’t.
Bad things: I’ve lost my confidence from the appointment on Thursday. I’m not gaining weight. I still am the only person in my household that thinks I’m showing.
In normal life: I dropped off some blood for the CF doctor yesterday. They made a discovery about blood draws while I was sitting there (something about blood flow – I wasn’t watching). I felt cool to be helping them out.
I’ve heard so much about how once you’re past 14 weeks, your chance of miscarriage goes down again. Yeah? I thought it went down at 6 weeks… or 10 weeks… or at the 2nd trimester… This feeling will never go away. I know I’ll feel better once (if?) I can feel someone kicking my lungs. Come on time! Speed up!!!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
If if if
Things are looking up. I cried yesterday because M came home and I was making chicken fajitas. He had told me on the phone we would make stir-fry for dinner. And I cried. And cried. And cried. Then I cried more because poor M was getting home from a terrible day at work at 7:30 pm to a crazy wife who was crying about the wrong chicken.
But then he laughed at me a little and said I was making him feel better because I was sobbing into his armpit.
The tide of emotions for Friday is starting to come in. Part of me thinks I should stay home from work. But won’t that just be worse? Sitting on my couch watching Ellen and crying? I could at least sit here and cry a little in the bathroom. As usual, I must add the side note that this is assuming everything will go well at the appointment on Thursday.
On that note, does anyone read Busted Babymaker? Back when she was waiting for her Toddle, she always said “if” and “maybe” and never “when.” I didn’t understand why she was so negative about her pregnancy. But here I am, doing the exact same thing. My loss is so different from hers, so much earlier and one baby. But I get it now. Even when I think about this pregnancy in my head, I have to say if. I can’t ever assume things will be ok. When I think about our son, I remember how I would talk about when Thanksgiving came and how we would have this little baby. Now I say that I hope I’ll still be pregnant at Thanksgiving so I can wear my belly band and have more room for mashed potatoes.
How can I function in the normal world? I cringe when people around me say when about my pregnancy. I have to correct them in my head. I can’t hear their positive voices. This weekend, my (wonderful, lovely, perfect, pretty) friend said something like, “This is something you can do to keep busy when you’re in labor.” And I said in my head, “Hopefully! Hopefully!” But, really, if she had said, “This is something you can do to keep busy if you ever get to the point where you’re in labor,” I would be crying and sad and hurt. So I need that positivity from the people around me. I won’t ever say when, but I need to hear it.
54 more hours. It feels weird to count down to something that could be devastating.
But then he laughed at me a little and said I was making him feel better because I was sobbing into his armpit.
The tide of emotions for Friday is starting to come in. Part of me thinks I should stay home from work. But won’t that just be worse? Sitting on my couch watching Ellen and crying? I could at least sit here and cry a little in the bathroom. As usual, I must add the side note that this is assuming everything will go well at the appointment on Thursday.
On that note, does anyone read Busted Babymaker? Back when she was waiting for her Toddle, she always said “if” and “maybe” and never “when.” I didn’t understand why she was so negative about her pregnancy. But here I am, doing the exact same thing. My loss is so different from hers, so much earlier and one baby. But I get it now. Even when I think about this pregnancy in my head, I have to say if. I can’t ever assume things will be ok. When I think about our son, I remember how I would talk about when Thanksgiving came and how we would have this little baby. Now I say that I hope I’ll still be pregnant at Thanksgiving so I can wear my belly band and have more room for mashed potatoes.
How can I function in the normal world? I cringe when people around me say when about my pregnancy. I have to correct them in my head. I can’t hear their positive voices. This weekend, my (wonderful, lovely, perfect, pretty) friend said something like, “This is something you can do to keep busy when you’re in labor.” And I said in my head, “Hopefully! Hopefully!” But, really, if she had said, “This is something you can do to keep busy if you ever get to the point where you’re in labor,” I would be crying and sad and hurt. So I need that positivity from the people around me. I won’t ever say when, but I need to hear it.
54 more hours. It feels weird to count down to something that could be devastating.
Monday, November 9, 2009
13 Weeks
Well, here we are. The milestone week. If I can make it past this week I will be in the second trimester with a live baby. I made it to the second trimester before… but with a dead baby. My appointment is on Thursday – exactly 13 weeks and 3 days.
Some good things: I’m still feeling nauseous. This morning I threw up in my mouth on my way to work. It was gross, but not huge, you know? Just a little tiny bit. And it made me happy. I’m so weird. I had some more “growing pains,” but they might have just been gas. I’m still falling asleep around 9 pm. My boobs are still tender when I smoosh them.
Some bad things: All of my symptoms are decreasing. I know this is supposed to happen. It’s fine and normal… but it happened at the same point last time and look where that got me.
I have a little voice come in and say, “Don’t worry! What are the chances you’ll find out about your miscarriage in the same week as last time?” and then a second voice chimes in, “Pretty damn good!” and a third, weaker one says, “Hey! Everything will be fine and May will bring a baby!” and the other two voices shout, “Shut up, dummy!” This happens 2-3 times an hour.
I’m sorry to be such a downer at this time when I should start to get excited, but this is going to get rough. I am simultaneously dreading and longing for Thursday. I wish it would just get here and we could get past Friday and I could start to get excited. I’m afraid it will get here and I will be sadder than I ever was in May.
We went back to the CF doctor on Friday afternoon. They have most of M’s DNA sequenced (and all is clear so far), but a few pieces just aren’t working. They took 4 tubes of blood from him and he did great. The doctor took the blood himself, so now M is done. We’ll know his full results on Wednesday afternoon. If all goes well with me, I’ll give 1-2 tubes every week for 3-4 weeks starting next week. Again, I’m happy to be part of this study. He really wanted some blood for this week, but decided to wait until we’re past the 14 week mark.
I’ll have more updates this week that will sound about the same. Hopefully, you’ll get a positive and joyful post on Thursday. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Some good things: I’m still feeling nauseous. This morning I threw up in my mouth on my way to work. It was gross, but not huge, you know? Just a little tiny bit. And it made me happy. I’m so weird. I had some more “growing pains,” but they might have just been gas. I’m still falling asleep around 9 pm. My boobs are still tender when I smoosh them.
Some bad things: All of my symptoms are decreasing. I know this is supposed to happen. It’s fine and normal… but it happened at the same point last time and look where that got me.
I have a little voice come in and say, “Don’t worry! What are the chances you’ll find out about your miscarriage in the same week as last time?” and then a second voice chimes in, “Pretty damn good!” and a third, weaker one says, “Hey! Everything will be fine and May will bring a baby!” and the other two voices shout, “Shut up, dummy!” This happens 2-3 times an hour.
I’m sorry to be such a downer at this time when I should start to get excited, but this is going to get rough. I am simultaneously dreading and longing for Thursday. I wish it would just get here and we could get past Friday and I could start to get excited. I’m afraid it will get here and I will be sadder than I ever was in May.
We went back to the CF doctor on Friday afternoon. They have most of M’s DNA sequenced (and all is clear so far), but a few pieces just aren’t working. They took 4 tubes of blood from him and he did great. The doctor took the blood himself, so now M is done. We’ll know his full results on Wednesday afternoon. If all goes well with me, I’ll give 1-2 tubes every week for 3-4 weeks starting next week. Again, I’m happy to be part of this study. He really wanted some blood for this week, but decided to wait until we’re past the 14 week mark.
I’ll have more updates this week that will sound about the same. Hopefully, you’ll get a positive and joyful post on Thursday. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
12 Weeks (or 13 weeks?)
Today I am 12 weeks, 1 day. Or 13 weeks, 2 days. I think I’m going to stick with the old dates for a while. I’ll talk to my doctor next week and see what she thinks. So here is my 12 week status report:
My symptoms are the same as last week. I get a little tiny bit nauseous in the morning before breakfast and then a little tiny bit after I eat. Then I’m fine. My boobs are hurting less. Every once in a while, they’ll hurt so bad I could cry, but that seems to coincide with the husband having grabby hands…
My button up shirts are not fitting anymore. This is not because of my belly. I have to safety pin my shirts closed because they are straining around my chest. It’s not like I’m new to this. I can only wear shirts from NY&Co because they are the only ones that stretch enough to cover them normally. Now those aren’t doing the job anymore. At least colder weather is coming, so these shirts aren’t going to be practical much longer anyway. I can’t wait to get to sweaters.
I’m hairbanding all my pants now. I’m not quite ready to go to the bella band yet, but I’ve got 2 under my bed. It’s hard to pee with those things, and I’m peeing a lot. I guess the hairbands are a hassle, too. It might be time to take a belly picture.
I’m falling asleep before 9 pm every night and I’m uncomfortable when I sleep. I don’t want M to touch me at night, and I’m normally a huge cuddler. I tuck a bear* under my stomach and I’m happy.
I just got an appointment for my h1n1 vaccine. I know there is a lot of debate about it, but my mom is a nurse in a large health care system and is on committees about pandemic flues. She told me to get the shot, so I'm getting the shot. Also, my mother in law sends me emails every day about getting the shot and washing my hands. That is getting old.
*I’ve had this bear since I was 8 years old and it is a little taller than my friend’s 20 month old daughter. I love this bear.
My symptoms are the same as last week. I get a little tiny bit nauseous in the morning before breakfast and then a little tiny bit after I eat. Then I’m fine. My boobs are hurting less. Every once in a while, they’ll hurt so bad I could cry, but that seems to coincide with the husband having grabby hands…
My button up shirts are not fitting anymore. This is not because of my belly. I have to safety pin my shirts closed because they are straining around my chest. It’s not like I’m new to this. I can only wear shirts from NY&Co because they are the only ones that stretch enough to cover them normally. Now those aren’t doing the job anymore. At least colder weather is coming, so these shirts aren’t going to be practical much longer anyway. I can’t wait to get to sweaters.
I’m hairbanding all my pants now. I’m not quite ready to go to the bella band yet, but I’ve got 2 under my bed. It’s hard to pee with those things, and I’m peeing a lot. I guess the hairbands are a hassle, too. It might be time to take a belly picture.
I’m falling asleep before 9 pm every night and I’m uncomfortable when I sleep. I don’t want M to touch me at night, and I’m normally a huge cuddler. I tuck a bear* under my stomach and I’m happy.
I just got an appointment for my h1n1 vaccine. I know there is a lot of debate about it, but my mom is a nurse in a large health care system and is on committees about pandemic flues. She told me to get the shot, so I'm getting the shot. Also, my mother in law sends me emails every day about getting the shot and washing my hands. That is getting old.
*I’ve had this bear since I was 8 years old and it is a little taller than my friend’s 20 month old daughter. I love this bear.
Monday, October 26, 2009
11 weeks
I guess not much has changed over the last week. I have one week until the NT scan. One week until I start to get nervous for real (like all the nervousness I have now is nothing).
I saw an old friend on Friday night and I did something a little out of character. I told her how scared I am about November. And you know what she did? She gave me a big hug and told me she would be there for me. So I might continue to break out of my usual self and ask for help. I’m going to need a lot of hugs.
I couldn’t sleep at all last night (and it wasn’t because I saw Paranormal Activity on Saturday night). It was because I couldn’t stop thinking about my appointment on November 12th. I’m so afraid that one will end bad. The appointment is at 3 pm, so if I do have to get a D&C, it won’t be on Friday. I would have to wait until Monday. That would be 3 whole days of that misery. I almost couldn’t survive the 22 hours I had to wait last time. I have some big plans for that weekend – a football game and a surprise birthday party. I know I’d be letting people down if I didn’t go to those. The friend with the birthday might not understand if I stayed home. But I’d be bringing a dark cloud with me if I did go. And I'd have to spend November 13th, my due date, carrying a dead baby.
WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS??
Let’s go back to the positive. I’m still feeling good. I still have sore boobies. The soreness is coming and going, the tenderness is always there, but not too bad. My face and hairline are covered in gross zits. I’m still having the pulling/pushing out surface cramps that I am taking as a good sign. I even have a little tiny belly sticking out. I told M I thought it might just be a food baby. He asked me what a food baby was and I said, “That’s what you’re having!” and he wasn’t too happy.
The pants I have on today fit fine. I had to hair-band my jeans over the weekend. I might wear my skinny pants tomorrow just to make myself happy.
I saw an old friend on Friday night and I did something a little out of character. I told her how scared I am about November. And you know what she did? She gave me a big hug and told me she would be there for me. So I might continue to break out of my usual self and ask for help. I’m going to need a lot of hugs.
I couldn’t sleep at all last night (and it wasn’t because I saw Paranormal Activity on Saturday night). It was because I couldn’t stop thinking about my appointment on November 12th. I’m so afraid that one will end bad. The appointment is at 3 pm, so if I do have to get a D&C, it won’t be on Friday. I would have to wait until Monday. That would be 3 whole days of that misery. I almost couldn’t survive the 22 hours I had to wait last time. I have some big plans for that weekend – a football game and a surprise birthday party. I know I’d be letting people down if I didn’t go to those. The friend with the birthday might not understand if I stayed home. But I’d be bringing a dark cloud with me if I did go. And I'd have to spend November 13th, my due date, carrying a dead baby.
WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS??
Let’s go back to the positive. I’m still feeling good. I still have sore boobies. The soreness is coming and going, the tenderness is always there, but not too bad. My face and hairline are covered in gross zits. I’m still having the pulling/pushing out surface cramps that I am taking as a good sign. I even have a little tiny belly sticking out. I told M I thought it might just be a food baby. He asked me what a food baby was and I said, “That’s what you’re having!” and he wasn’t too happy.
The pants I have on today fit fine. I had to hair-band my jeans over the weekend. I might wear my skinny pants tomorrow just to make myself happy.
Monday, October 19, 2009
10 Weeks
Double digits! One quarter of the way through! Amost a Fetus!
I’m feeling pretty good now (meaning I don’t feel 100% perfect). My symptoms over the last week have been steady. I’ve got the morning queasiness that barely registers. It’s like I’ll be in the shower and all of the sudden think, “Ugh! I’m going to puke” and then it will go away immediately. I need to sleep everyday around 1 pm (which never happens). My boobs are getting bigger. I notice the way they hit my arms when I’m trying to do stuff. It’s a good thing it’s almost winter. There’s no way I could play miniature golf right now. They are sore/tender off and on. I need to pull out my journal from last time to see when they stopped hurting. I think it was right around now.
But the one symptom that I cling to the most is cramping. Does that sound weird? I didn’t have this last time. They are not crampy-cramps. I would call them surface cramps, like something is growing in there and pushing everything else out of the way. Even with all this, I’m not any bigger (in the belly area) and I haven’t gained any weight.
I spent Sunday with the most fertile family on the planet. I realized that I’m still not ready to be around pregnant ladies. They are just so confident with their bellies, I can’t take it. I kind of stare at them. How did they manage to get that far? How are they not sitting and staring at themselves in wonder? So, I’m still all jealous. No changes there. It reminded me about my pomegranate string and beads that I have waiting. I plan on wearing the bracelet when (if? Ugh!) I start showing. Maybe just one person will notice, but that’s enough. Maybe people will ask about it and I can spread the word.
M is in Alaska for this week. I hate it when he’s gone.
I’m feeling pretty good now (meaning I don’t feel 100% perfect). My symptoms over the last week have been steady. I’ve got the morning queasiness that barely registers. It’s like I’ll be in the shower and all of the sudden think, “Ugh! I’m going to puke” and then it will go away immediately. I need to sleep everyday around 1 pm (which never happens). My boobs are getting bigger. I notice the way they hit my arms when I’m trying to do stuff. It’s a good thing it’s almost winter. There’s no way I could play miniature golf right now. They are sore/tender off and on. I need to pull out my journal from last time to see when they stopped hurting. I think it was right around now.
But the one symptom that I cling to the most is cramping. Does that sound weird? I didn’t have this last time. They are not crampy-cramps. I would call them surface cramps, like something is growing in there and pushing everything else out of the way. Even with all this, I’m not any bigger (in the belly area) and I haven’t gained any weight.
I spent Sunday with the most fertile family on the planet. I realized that I’m still not ready to be around pregnant ladies. They are just so confident with their bellies, I can’t take it. I kind of stare at them. How did they manage to get that far? How are they not sitting and staring at themselves in wonder? So, I’m still all jealous. No changes there. It reminded me about my pomegranate string and beads that I have waiting. I plan on wearing the bracelet when (if? Ugh!) I start showing. Maybe just one person will notice, but that’s enough. Maybe people will ask about it and I can spread the word.
M is in Alaska for this week. I hate it when he’s gone.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Waiting, take 2
I have my second appointment today.
Reasons why I know everything will be ok:
1. The boobies are still hurting.
2. I have growing feelings in my uterus area. Not cramps, but little pressure-feeling pains near the surface.
3. My pants are slightly tighter.
4. I deserve it, dammit!
Reasons why I’m scared out of mind that everything is NOT ok:
1. The boobies aren’t throbbing with pain.
2. I have these pains that don’t really feel like cramps, but they could be.
3. I didn’t get up to pee last night.
4. I have that pretending feeling when I talk about symptoms.
5. This “baby thing” seems to not care about who deserves what.
I did all kinds of chores around the house last night so I won’t have to worry about it tonight. I will clean up my desk this afternoon and make sure I have notes that will get my projects through the next week. This is cumbersome, but it’s best to be prepared.
I like having my appointments in the afternoon. I specifically ask for one of the last appointments of the day. I must be insane. I will get nothing done today. 4:00 pm at the OB, 5:00 pm at the CF research office. It’s a busy night!
M’s boss asked him to switch work trip so M would be out of town on November 2. That is the day we’re going to the NT scan. I told M it’s time to pull the miscarriage card. He can’t be out of the country any time I have an appointment. That’s my rule.
Reasons why I know everything will be ok:
1. The boobies are still hurting.
2. I have growing feelings in my uterus area. Not cramps, but little pressure-feeling pains near the surface.
3. My pants are slightly tighter.
4. I deserve it, dammit!
Reasons why I’m scared out of mind that everything is NOT ok:
1. The boobies aren’t throbbing with pain.
2. I have these pains that don’t really feel like cramps, but they could be.
3. I didn’t get up to pee last night.
4. I have that pretending feeling when I talk about symptoms.
5. This “baby thing” seems to not care about who deserves what.
I did all kinds of chores around the house last night so I won’t have to worry about it tonight. I will clean up my desk this afternoon and make sure I have notes that will get my projects through the next week. This is cumbersome, but it’s best to be prepared.
I like having my appointments in the afternoon. I specifically ask for one of the last appointments of the day. I must be insane. I will get nothing done today. 4:00 pm at the OB, 5:00 pm at the CF research office. It’s a busy night!
M’s boss asked him to switch work trip so M would be out of town on November 2. That is the day we’re going to the NT scan. I told M it’s time to pull the miscarriage card. He can’t be out of the country any time I have an appointment. That’s my rule.
Monday, October 12, 2009
9 Weeks
I always thought the whole “smell” thing during pregnancy was a little crazy. I’ve never had that problem. My sense of smell isn’t any stronger than it was and I’m not yelling at people because they use scented shampoo. I’m a huge Office fan and I was amused when Pam puked all over the place in the last episode. But I still thought that was kind of a myth. And, yes, I cried like a fool during all the wedding stuff.
Anyway, I went to the grocery store on Sunday by myself. M usually goes with me and spends half the time standing in front of the meat section and frowning. He’s the cook in our marriage. I had a mission to get some chicken and see what else looked good (that’s a lot of pressure). I was having a grand old time until I pulled up in front of the meat. I got all dizzy and almost puked my guts up. Whew! Raw chicken is GROSS! I took a minute, then held my breath and grabbed one package. I bolted to the soda aisle where I could get myself together. Then I was giddy for the rest of the day.
We had a fun weekend – one of our college friends has an Oktoberfest party each year. He offered me wine several times and kept smiling and winking at me. “You don’t come back from Scotland without a baby!” I didn’t confirm, but I was hoping a few other friends were clueless enough to not realize what he was talking about. We told the couple we see every weekend, but they already knew. I’m such a wino. It’s obvious when I’m pregnant.
We also told M’s parents this weekend. His mom cried forever. Then she wouldn’t stop hugging me. My BIL even shed some tears (he’s Metro, so he’s allowed to cry). I did ask that we didn’t tell M’s grandparents yet. I’m not ready for that yet.
So here we are. Fully invested. Everyone knows. 55 hours until my next appointment.
Anyway, I went to the grocery store on Sunday by myself. M usually goes with me and spends half the time standing in front of the meat section and frowning. He’s the cook in our marriage. I had a mission to get some chicken and see what else looked good (that’s a lot of pressure). I was having a grand old time until I pulled up in front of the meat. I got all dizzy and almost puked my guts up. Whew! Raw chicken is GROSS! I took a minute, then held my breath and grabbed one package. I bolted to the soda aisle where I could get myself together. Then I was giddy for the rest of the day.
We had a fun weekend – one of our college friends has an Oktoberfest party each year. He offered me wine several times and kept smiling and winking at me. “You don’t come back from Scotland without a baby!” I didn’t confirm, but I was hoping a few other friends were clueless enough to not realize what he was talking about. We told the couple we see every weekend, but they already knew. I’m such a wino. It’s obvious when I’m pregnant.
We also told M’s parents this weekend. His mom cried forever. Then she wouldn’t stop hugging me. My BIL even shed some tears (he’s Metro, so he’s allowed to cry). I did ask that we didn’t tell M’s grandparents yet. I’m not ready for that yet.
So here we are. Fully invested. Everyone knows. 55 hours until my next appointment.
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