11 weeks

I guess not much has changed over the last week. I have one week until the NT scan. One week until I start to get nervous for real (like all the nervousness I have now is nothing).

I saw an old friend on Friday night and I did something a little out of character. I told her how scared I am about November. And you know what she did? She gave me a big hug and told me she would be there for me. So I might continue to break out of my usual self and ask for help. I’m going to need a lot of hugs.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night (and it wasn’t because I saw Paranormal Activity on Saturday night). It was because I couldn’t stop thinking about my appointment on November 12th. I’m so afraid that one will end bad. The appointment is at 3 pm, so if I do have to get a D&C, it won’t be on Friday. I would have to wait until Monday. That would be 3 whole days of that misery. I almost couldn’t survive the 22 hours I had to wait last time. I have some big plans for that weekend – a football game and a surprise birthday party. I know I’d be letting people down if I didn’t go to those. The friend with the birthday might not understand if I stayed home. But I’d be bringing a dark cloud with me if I did go. And I'd have to spend November 13th, my due date, carrying a dead baby.

WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS??

Let’s go back to the positive. I’m still feeling good. I still have sore boobies. The soreness is coming and going, the tenderness is always there, but not too bad. My face and hairline are covered in gross zits. I’m still having the pulling/pushing out surface cramps that I am taking as a good sign. I even have a little tiny belly sticking out. I told M I thought it might just be a food baby. He asked me what a food baby was and I said, “That’s what you’re having!” and he wasn’t too happy.

The pants I have on today fit fine. I had to hair-band my jeans over the weekend. I might wear my skinny pants tomorrow just to make myself happy.