7 weeks and it was Christmas!

I was 7 weeks on Christmas day and it was wonderful. I am still giddy from the joy on our mother’s faces as the fuzzy picture registered and they knew what they were looking at. I can’t stop smiling from showing my father in law where the baby was in the ultrasound and assuring him that it wasn’t a picture of a tornado. My dad had happy tears in his eyes.

I had to wear a belly band to Christmas Eve Mass. It made me very happy. All of my other pants fit fine. Those were just a little too snug. I think it might have something to do with the huge dinner we had with my parents the night before. More of a mashed potato baby.

As usual, my symptoms are out of control. The complete exhaustion is wearing on me. Throw in all of the Christmas celebrations and I could crawl into a corner and sleep for a week! I told my bosses on Friday. I didn’t want to tell so early, but when I started nodding off at my desk, I thought they should know why. They were happy for me. It’s better to tell early here anyway. I work on long term projects and this way they can schedule around me.

Right now I am looking forward to Saturday. I have a nap planned. 

Heartbeat!

I'm home from the first appointment. I was a huge mess once I got to the room. I was ok this morning and ok while I was in the waiting room. But when I got into the room, I couldn't really keep it together. Ugh. 

The doctor was poking around in there when she said, "Are you sure of your dates?" And my heart sunk. Those are not words you want to hear. Then she tipped the screen towards me and I could see the little flicker. We're measuring a day or two behind. I am not concerned about this because when I called to make the appointment, I blanked on my LMP. So I guessed (off by a few days). I call myself 6w2d, she was looking for 6w5d. We were measuring at least 6 mm and the heartbeat was there. I didn't get a number, but the flicker looked great to me. 

All is well. 

After a few minutes, the stress came pouring out of me and I started ugly crying. The doctor left so I could get dressed and calm down. M had tears in his eyes, too. I told her I wanted to come in more often (with W I went every 2 weeks). She compromised for 3 weeks and told me I needed to relax about this. She saw me at my most worked up. I am worried, but I'm not walking around pent up like that all the time. These appointments are huge turning points for me. M and I didn't even talk about LUNCH after the appointment because I so afraid of the results.  

I have my next two appointments scheduled (that was a little scary for me) and the NT scan is all set up. I'll be back to the doctor on January 10th. 

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. 

6 weeks and it's my birthday

I had a dream last night that I started spotting. I was pissed. Why did it have to happen on my birthday! But luckily, it was just a dream. Everything still seems to be going well. 

I'm exhausted. I'm not hungry ever. I'm sleepy. My chest is huge and aching. I'm tired. I've had a few mornings where I felt sick. 

My stomach has pooched out a little. Not that I was super skinny before, but I can tell a difference. 

I'm very happy to be having so many symptoms. But I'm also scared out of my mind. I don't want another blighted ovum. I don't want another D&C. I don't want to go through it anymore. I pray constantly that this is the last time I have to do this. If we have a bad appointment, I think I'd be going through all of the Christmas celebrations without it being resolved. I kind of think I'd pass on the D&C this time. I'm afraid of having too many and what it could mean for the future. But then again, do I really want to spend Christmas like that? Why do I have to think about this? Because this is my normal. I need to go into this appointment knowing what I will do if the news is bad. I want to have my decisions made before I get emotional. 

I have already decided that my little family will be going on a minimum 4 night stay to the Dominican Republic if we get bad news. Sometime in January. We will deserve it. 

My appointment is Thursday at noon. I would love to be able to tell our parents on Christmas. It feels too early, but I think they would need to know. I need them to know. 

5 weeks and all is well.

Today I am five weeks. That is a milestone for me, which is kind of sad.

My symptoms are still strong. My boobs hurt so bad that I need to hold them when I go down stairs. I feel a little queasy a lot of the time. And I’m super emotional and tired. These are all good signs, but I can’t really hold onto them as comfort. All of this could just be side effects from the progesterone. I feel like I could be completely not pregnant anymore and the progesterone is just making me hold onto it and giving me all these fake symptoms all the time. I hope that’s not the case.

I could also blame the tiredness on a certain little boy who doesn’t like to go to sleep.

I’ve just started lurking on the birth boards. I tried to stay away, but I seem to crave being around people who understand. The rainbow board for August is a private group and that makes me happy. It’s easier to let your true emotions show in the private groups.

My weirdest symptom is still going strong. Every weekday morning, I pee around 9 or 9:30. That pee is always very cloudy when I am pregnant. It was happening near the end of the last week of November and I briefly wondered about it and decided I was crazy. It happened all through my pregnancy with W. I talked to the doctor about it and they had no explanation, just that it could have something to do with dehydration. They did test it again for proteins, though. It is only on the weekdays and only in the morning. Does this happen to anyone else? 

#6

I was going to keep this a secret. I didn’t want any congratulations.

But here we are. Pregnancy #6 is official. In the days leading up to this weekend, my boobs were hurting, but I’m now used to that as a symptom of AF, so I didn’t pay attention. On Sunday, though, I could feel the difference. I could tell the shapes I spent Sunday being anxious. My boobs were extremely painful and I could feel that they were denser, which is usually a game changer. I also felt dizzy and a little queasy. Then I got very nervous. I went to the grocery store and got a test.

This morning I tested. The positive line showed up before the control line.

We weren’t trying. We were supposed to start Trying Again (again again) next month. I have continued to take my folic acid and prenatal vitamins this entire time.

How do I feel today? I was shaking for most of the morning. I cried in the shower. You are not supposed to cry in the shower if you find yourself pregnant and you’ve been wishing to be pregnant for over a year. But that’s how I feel. I feel completely overwhelmed and afraid. I wanted this so much, but I wasn’t prepared for it to happen now.

In other news, I found on on Friday that M’s chromosome work up came back normal. That is great to hear. It means the problem is completely unexplained. Hooray for us.

I called the doctor and I have an appointment for December 20^th at noon. I’m waiting for a return call from the nurse so I can get my progesterone. Keep me in your thoughts, please. I need all the help I can get.