6 weeks and it's my birthday

I had a dream last night that I started spotting. I was pissed. Why did it have to happen on my birthday! But luckily, it was just a dream. Everything still seems to be going well. 

I'm exhausted. I'm not hungry ever. I'm sleepy. My chest is huge and aching. I'm tired. I've had a few mornings where I felt sick. 

My stomach has pooched out a little. Not that I was super skinny before, but I can tell a difference. 

I'm very happy to be having so many symptoms. But I'm also scared out of my mind. I don't want another blighted ovum. I don't want another D&C. I don't want to go through it anymore. I pray constantly that this is the last time I have to do this. If we have a bad appointment, I think I'd be going through all of the Christmas celebrations without it being resolved. I kind of think I'd pass on the D&C this time. I'm afraid of having too many and what it could mean for the future. But then again, do I really want to spend Christmas like that? Why do I have to think about this? Because this is my normal. I need to go into this appointment knowing what I will do if the news is bad. I want to have my decisions made before I get emotional. 

I have already decided that my little family will be going on a minimum 4 night stay to the Dominican Republic if we get bad news. Sometime in January. We will deserve it. 

My appointment is Thursday at noon. I would love to be able to tell our parents on Christmas. It feels too early, but I think they would need to know. I need them to know.