13 Weeks

Well, here we are. The milestone week. If I can make it past this week I will be in the second trimester with a live baby. I made it to the second trimester before… but with a dead baby. My appointment is on Thursday – exactly 13 weeks and 3 days.

Some good things: I’m still feeling nauseous. This morning I threw up in my mouth on my way to work. It was gross, but not huge, you know? Just a little tiny bit. And it made me happy. I’m so weird. I had some more “growing pains,” but they might have just been gas. I’m still falling asleep around 9 pm. My boobs are still tender when I smoosh them.

Some bad things: All of my symptoms are decreasing. I know this is supposed to happen. It’s fine and normal… but it happened at the same point last time and look where that got me.

I have a little voice come in and say, “Don’t worry! What are the chances you’ll find out about your miscarriage in the same week as last time?” and then a second voice chimes in, “Pretty damn good!” and a third, weaker one says, “Hey! Everything will be fine and May will bring a baby!” and the other two voices shout, “Shut up, dummy!” This happens 2-3 times an hour.

I’m sorry to be such a downer at this time when I should start to get excited, but this is going to get rough. I am simultaneously dreading and longing for Thursday. I wish it would just get here and we could get past Friday and I could start to get excited. I’m afraid it will get here and I will be sadder than I ever was in May.

We went back to the CF doctor on Friday afternoon. They have most of M’s DNA sequenced (and all is clear so far), but a few pieces just aren’t working. They took 4 tubes of blood from him and he did great. The doctor took the blood himself, so now M is done. We’ll know his full results on Wednesday afternoon. If all goes well with me, I’ll give 1-2 tubes every week for 3-4 weeks starting next week. Again, I’m happy to be part of this study. He really wanted some blood for this week, but decided to wait until we’re past the 14 week mark.

I’ll have more updates this week that will sound about the same. Hopefully, you’ll get a positive and joyful post on Thursday. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.