No. We’re not going to TTC early. I brought it up at dinner last night and M thought it would be a good idea. For about 1 second. Then he started shaking his head and said that we can’t try early. He is afraid we’ll lose another one, and he’s not comfortable taking that risk. “The next time you get pregnant, you’re not leaving the house.”
I can’t be mad at him. I really want to try now, but I really am afraid that I’ll miscarry again and then I’d have a terrible case of the what-ifs. I’d blame myself for rushing. I really would be scared the entire time that the stress of a strange location and the flights would hurt a baby. Waiting is the right choice.
I have some hope though: The actual contract for the Hawaii work trip is not approved yet, so maybe no one will have to go (or it could be rescheduled). M also hinted that his coworker (the dad-to-be) might still be interested in going on the trip. So who knows. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel a little lame complaining about this. I know I’m very lucky to be able to have this vacation and the opportunity to choose when we’ll TTC again. I’m grateful for that.
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3 comments:
I know you might be disappointed in not trying asap but look back on your list of cons again and maybe it will ease your mind and that way you can really enjoy yourself on your big vacation instead of carrying all those pee sticks with you through security at the airport :)
My hubby said something similar to what yours said to you- he said (in a protective way not an obsessive way) "next time you're pregnant - you are not going to lift anything remotely heavy - including dragging soil bags for gardening, climbing ladders, anything - I'll do it!" - he wants this baby as much as I do and we all have fears but you cannot let it rule your life - as long as this decision is mutual, go with it and enjoy your trip and when you get back you can be in full TTC mode - hopefully he doesn't end up having to go to Hawaii during the critical days!
fingers crossed that he will get to stay!!!
Sending hugs...
You are absolutely allowed to whine, vent, and complain here. This is YOUR safe space, to be yourself and express it all.
XOXO.
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