That Day in May.

I’d been having a kind of emotional day on Mother’s day. Anyone who has struggled knows the pain that this day can bring. I found myself in tears at several points. And I felt guilty. I never had a difficult Mother’s day. I was so lucky to be one of the few who doesn’t have to go through the day while suffering a loss or waiting for a baby. I was remembering Mother’s day 2009 and how that was the day we announced to the world that Baby November was on his way. How I had no idea what was coming. How baby November was already in heaven.

I cried for that girl and her family.

I cried tears of joy for that same girl who spent Mother’s Day 2010 walking around a community lake trying to get labor started.

I cried grateful tears for the little boy who was giving me drooly open mouth kisses.

I cried painful tears for some dear friends who would give anything for drooly open mouth kisses.

I wish I knew that there would be a day in the future where this all comes to an end. It seemed for a while that things were looking up. Lots of the girls I followed had babies. Lots of my the girls in my online support group had babies. But then I start reading new stories. And the girls in my group that are still waiting are having so much trouble. It’s not over.

Lots of love to all the moms out there who are missing babies.