Internet Friends!

If I were a better writer, I’d have an awesome post here today. I’d tell a cute anecdote about my first memories of posting on BBC in May 2009 and then bring it full circle to meeting some amazing friends almost 3 years later. But I’m not, so I’ll just try not to cry while I write this!

Way back in the beginning, before I even started writing here, I was posting on a babycenter board. It was for anyone who had lost a baby due in November 2009. I think I found them a day or two after the D&C and I posted about it there. It was a sad place, but so welcoming. The group kept growing after I was there and each new girl arrived with a new heartbreaking story. The posts were mostly about our feelings and dealing with grief. I think the group had close to 90 members in the beginning. It took a while, but we started to know each other better and eventually we moved to facebook where we could share pictures easier and we’ve become pretty involved in each other’s daily lives. The group has almost 40 members now and about 20 or so participate regularly.

So three years of having these people in my life. We’ve been there through so much with each other. We’ve celebrated babies and we’ve cried through multiple losses. We’ve also argued with each other, of course. Just because we all lost babies doesn’t mean that we’re all best friends! In a group this large you are going to find a few people that you just click with better than others.

Last fall, the idea that a bunch of girls should meet each other came up again. We always talked about it and that time it really stuck. We talked and talked and voted and voted some more. Eventually we settled on Chicago in April. After that, the hardest part was jumping in and actually booking the whole thing. I had the miscarriage in January and I needed a pick up, so I booked my flight. Then the whole thing started rolling. We had 10 girls that could make the trip. TEN! Amazing.

One of the girls found out she was having a threatened miscarriage the day before we were scheduled to leave. She decided not to come, and I can’t blame her. I’m so sad that she missed the trip and the fun, but I understand completely and would have done the same thing. She wasn’t far from our minds all weekend (and things are looking up now).

As the trip got closer, I started talking about it more and more to the people around me. I tried to be vague. “I’m going on a girl’s weekend trip to Chicago!” and people would usually let that drop. But people that know my friends would want to know what group I was going with. Do you know how many strange looks you get when you say that you are going to meet your internet friends for a full weekend? So then I’d have to clarify and say that I was meeting girls that I met when I had a miscarriage in 2009 and I’ve been talking to them since then. I still don’t think most people understood.

You always hear people say that a tragedy brings people closer. I believe that. And after our personal tragedies, we all still had that cover of being “anonymous” to talk to each other about our lives and issues that you don’t want to discuss with the people in your daily life. Discussions about our families, our fears and our bathroom habits happen every day. I know more about these girls than I know about some friends that I see regularly.

And then, last Friday, I got onto a plane and hugged some of those girls. I wasn’t surprised at my emotions when I met them. I cried so much! Then I was shaking! Then I was crying some more! Here they were, the girls I had only seen in pictures. I could hear their voices and hug them. And they hugged back! The weekend with them was surreal. I felt like I was with a bunch of old friends. The conversation was easy. We could talk about anything without having to explain a bunch of backstory. Everyone already knew that I was inappropriate. I was lucky enough that the ones I’ve grown closest to were there and I’m now so much closer to the other girls that were there.

Amazing. And to think I wouldn’t have them if I hadn’t been through the miscarriage. They are my silver lining.