Two Months

Two months in and I'm still loving this. W makes it easy. He's a great baby. He sleeps through the night (usually 10 pm until 7-ish). He eats great. He doesn't cry that much (unless there's a problem). We are the luckiest parents in the world. This post is kind of all over the place. Just random thoughts I've had over the few days I've been typing this.

He started sucking his fingers reliably this week, so the pacifiers are getting used less and less. Everyone has their own ideas about this, and we decided to go with fingers. W likes them best and we're not happy about having a kid with a paci in his face all the time, so fingers are best for us. We know we'll have trouble down the road getting him to stop sucking his fingers, but both ways present a challenge and the pediatrician told us to go with whatever works. The pacifier is around for when he gets so worked up that he just can't get the fingers to work. Yesterday M's family kept picking it up and shoving it in W's face. I felt like a broken record "It looks like he doesn't want that now." "Hmmm... I think he's ok without the pacifier." "I try not to give that to him if he doesn't want it." and on and on.

Breastfeeding is still going great. It doesn't hurt anymore (took about 4 weeks to get to that point) and my supply is still awesome. I have a great stash in the freezer for him. But it was hard to stick with it. Those first few weeks were tough (and I had it good!). I really admire anyone who had trouble and could still do it. And I also admire those of you who had the good sense to stop trying if it wasn't working. I get so mad at the LCs who say that BFing is SOOOO convenient! Is it convenient to have to wear breast pads everywhere? Is it convenient to not want to shower because you don't want water to touch your nipples? Is it convenient to have to go hide in a bedroom every few hours to feed the baby? Is it convenient to have to go home early from a date because you feel like you're going to pop? Is it convenient to have to pump and store all this milk? Is it convenient to not know how much your baby is eating? Is it convenient to pump 3 times a day at work? I could go on forever... But it is wonderful to be able to provide for him this way. And it's wonderful to watch him look up at me while he's eating. And I like having all that cuddle time built in. No matter who's around, I get to claim him and snuggle for as long as I want because he needs me.

[note - just read Ms J's post about breastfeeding. I agree that you don't need breastfeeding to create a bond. M LOVES giving W a bottle because of the loving looks he gets while feeding the baby. I love rocking W to sleep because of the way he tries to stay awake just to look at me. That's the bonding. Showing your baby that he is safe with you and you will give him everything he needs.]

This is my last full week off. I visited the daycare to make sure everything is ready and I have everything W needs. I'mboth upset and a little excited. I'm ready to get back to my life and having a social outlet. I feel pretty detached from everyone (online and real life). I'll have all the me time I need at work, so when I get home I can focus on W. But man, I'm going to miss him! I'm going to want to go see him during the day, but won't it be harder to drag myself away from him TWICE in one day?

Before I had W, I used to worry if I'd be a good mom. I'm pretty self centered and I need a lot of quiet alone time. M is the only person I've ever been able to be around constantly. I worried that having a baby would make me cranky. But it hasn't. I want W around me all the time. Every morning feels like Christmas. I wake up to his little noises and I want to grab him out of the bassinet and hug him tight. When people visit, I get jealous of them for getting to hold W.

I'm not sure what's going to come out of this blog now. I'm not really into being a mommy blogger. I feel like anything I could say has already been said (much better) by so many other people. It might turn into a place for me to release my frustration about being away from W all day at work.

Fair warning: There will probably be a weepy sad lonely post from work coming in the next two weeks.

Here is a baby in a pool:

[adorable picture removed]