My due date for the blighted ovum came and went over the weekend.
I spent the day sort of thinking about it and then working around the house. We
moved this weekend, so I was distracted and excited about that. But that didn’t
stop me from feeling sad or wondering what I would be doing if we had that
baby. I know I wouldn’t have this great new house, but I’d rather be in a small
house and have that baby.
This was the first time I passed a due date without being
pregnant. I started spotting on Sunday morning (CD 22 – I think it was due to
all the moving and carrying stuff around). Thanks for the reminder, body! You’re
awesome! AF came for sure on Tuesday morning. That marks our third cycle of
Actively Trying (Again).
I know, I know. Three cycles. BFD. I’m in the ALI
blogworld, three cycles of trying is nothing to this community. Only three
cycles is barely even starting. But I’m still scared. I’ve been pregnant 4
times. Every time was on the 1st month of trying (or - in the case
of my only successful pregnancy – during a month when we weren’t trying yet).
That’s awesome and lucky for us. Now I’ve been actively trying for 3 months and
nothing has happened. I’ve read enough about secondary infertility to be
afraid. I’m trying to be proactive about it. I’ve been tracking my cycles since
the beginning of the year. I won’t bore you with the details, but they are short.
I’m starting to wonder exactly when I ovulate. I don’t do temping because I don’t
think I could do it right.
So I bought 20 ovulation sticks from a cheapie website (the
same one where I bought a billion pregnancy tests) and I’m going to start
peeing on them as soon as I get them. And then I’m scheduling a massage for
myself near the middle of this month. I’m going to be relaxed and calm. And if
this doesn’t work, I’m not going to panic. I’m going to stick it out and just keep
trying because this is normal. I will, however, be contacting my doctor after 6
months of trying. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
6 comments:
I really understand where you are right now. I felt apologetic about being bummed that it took as long as it did for us to get pregnant this time (since it's been fairly quick for us the other 5 times as well) but it's YOUR experience, and no one else should judge you for feeling the way you do. I started to think that something might be wrong because it took so much longer. It sucked.
I totally recommend the ovulation tests. I never temped. My ovulation tests were also internet cheapies and they were VERY clear. I never questioned if I was surging or not. The first time is confusing because there's always a second line, but when it's the real thing, the line will be DARK. I often used 2 per day to be sure if the surge was going up or down. Some of the comments on this post may help. http://whitepicketfence2point5kids.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-dont-know-how-to-pee-on-stick.html
Sorry...this weekend must have been hard! Happy you had moving into your nice new house as a distraction =) Hope the OPKs work for you and that your pregnant really, really soon!!!
I feel you! This is month 9 of trying for us (though probably only 8 cycles, since mine are on the long side instead of the short side). I feel you. I know it's so hard to want and worry, and yet try not to freak out. I feel you!! And I continue to pray for you too!
ugh. The world is just not fair and I feel so bad that I had to be the one of late that had a "surprise" while you are going through this uncertain and challenging time of doubt. Can't be easy to not know what's ahead but I feel like something reeeally good is coming up for you (it's time). Hope you settle into your house and make it feel like a home real fast. Hugs xo
Thanks for the links, Lucky Once! These made me feel like I might have a clue once I start using them!
Wendy - Don't ever feel bad about your situation! I'm so happy for you!
Just passed our due date, too. Thinking of you, Cheryl, and wishing you all the best with the ttc-ing!
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