My feet are wide and puffy. I'm down to one pair of work shoes (and they really aren't nice shoes). They have always been a little big. Now they are snug. Outside of work, I wear either the same shoes or flip flops. I didn't have this last time, but it also wasn't this hot. It wasn't summer! I really like my feet and it makes me sad to see them so puffy.
I am sitting at my desk right now with my legs spread so I can reach my keyboard. It's not pretty. My shirt also has a hole in the armpit. I don't think any one can see it.
I have some issues I want to talk about. I'm going part time at work after this baby and my MIL will be watching him/her three days a week. I am grateful that I get to do this, but I'm also afraid. It means we have to be very careful about our spending. We can do it! My main fear is one that people bring up a lot, but in a different context.
I had no problem taking W to daycare. I know lots of people say they could never leave their child with a stranger or that they want their baby to know who Mommy is. W has thrived in daycare. He knows I'm his mommy and he's always known that. At daycare he is one of many kids. He is loved, but he is not THE MOST IMPORTANT person to the ladies at daycare. We've had no issues with bonding and love in our house.
Now, with baby #2, W will continue to go to daycare 5 days a week. We decided to keep him full time because he is used to it and he is now in the preschool program. I look at daycare as school now. I want him there for the school part every day (and the nap because he has a real problem napping at home - he needs a nap). As for the baby, M and I will be splitting the day on Monday. I'll be working Tuesday - Thursday for short days and then I'll be home on Friday. MIL will be watching the baby Tuesday - Thursday. I've decided I'm ok with that.
I am absolutely ok with the quality of care from my MIL. She will be attentive and follow any instructions I have. She will probably do a better job that I would. My ridiculous fear is that my baby won't know or won't want Mommy after having my MIL around. That is why I didn't want her to do 5 days a week. Baby will be SO loved and showered with attention and care. If I continues to work full time, MIL would be with the baby about 50 hours a week. I would be with the baby (assuming 8 hours of me sleeping a night) 62 hours a week - less if you factor in chores and being with W and the amount of time the baby spends sleeping. It's possible that the baby would have more 1-on-1 time with MIL than with me. Obviously, the baby would think that MIL was mommy. I can't deal with it. My jealousy about this was stressing me out big time. It is crazy. I talked to M about this and he couldn't believe this was bothering me so much. My logical mind knows it is stupid. But it's there. It is the reason that we are doing this 3 day a week schedule. I will have more time with my baby than MIL will have. My baby will know that I am mommy.
We'll do this schedule for about a year. Then we want to transition the baby into daycare. We noticed W really benefiting from daycare around that time.
I'm very excited about the time I'll have with the baby. I'm also excited about having that Friday to get a *little* done around the house so we'll have more family time on the weekends. M is excited about his Monday afternoons with the baby. It's going to be great.
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2 comments:
I hear ya on the swelling...my feet are unrecognizable and I didn't have it last time either. Weird. Sounds like a great schedule you have worked out =)
Pregnancy one: irrational fear of dying in labor. Like I said stuff like, " I hope this is worth it to you because I'll be dead" to my husband on a regular basis.
Pregnancy two: irrational fear of being stuck alone in a room with a baby who hated me while everyone else did fun stuff with kid one and I miss out on his life.
Neither thing happened, but it doesn't mean I didn't have to work through them, night after night until I got myself over it.
Did I give you a copy of Touchpoints? One thing that he said has always stuck with me...babies act fussy when they go back to mom because they finally feel safe enough to let out all the intense emotions they have been saving for you. The baby will love MIL, will fuss for MIL, will giggle for her...but not as intensely as W jr. Will do so for you.
My little guy has spent a lot of time with my mom. I wouldn't lie to you. There has NEVER been any mommy confusion. Maybe I can make you feel better by telling you a big secret advantage you have. W. W will rock this new baby's world so hard that he/she will go nuts when all of you come home. My little guy RUNS to the big guy every day. Just like in child care, little baby will figure this out so naturally, it will be like he/she has always been there :)
Just because the rational part of your brain tells you that it won't happen doesn't mean you can shut it off. It's the hormones...they make you really feel stuff and it is tough to talk about. The death during labor thing was really hard to express to people because it sounded like fear of labor (which was there too of course) but I really needed to cry myself through it and just wait for it not to happen.
This fear won't happen. (it will you just said to yourself) but don't dwell and try and stop the sneaky sad cycle that happens when you start thinking about it. I realized eventually that these feelings got really intense at night when I was already exhausted and no one was around to talk about it.
Hugs and sorry for the novel :)
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