Wednesday

I took W to daycare late. Everything seems better with him around, so we cuddled in the morning and played together for a while. I dropped him off around 10 and everyone was asking why he was late. At least no one asked when we’re going to have another (they ask me at least once a week). I just said that we wanted to spend some time together (that was true).

M picked me up and we went to the fancy ultrasound place. I couldn’t see the screen, but M could. The tech was nice. She knew what was going on and was kind and told me what she was going to do. She did an abdominal scan first then let me pee and did an internal*. When she was measuring the sack, I saw M step closer and lean in a little bit. I could see his face. It’s not like I had any hope that we’d be told everything was ok, but I watched him just in case. When he stepped away and leaned against the door again, I knew for sure. The scan probably took 20 minutes. I started to get bored. They should have something on the ceiling in there.

We had to wait for a while to talk to their doctor. The tv in the waiting room was showing the Match Game. We got pretty involved. It felt so surreal. We’re just hanging out waiting for a doctor to verify that we don’t have a baby and we’re arguing about fill in the blank questions and giggling about the 70s outfits. The doctor finally called us back and we had a brief conversation in the hallway. He knew this was out 3rd and actually said “at least you know you are fertile” and we told him that we have a son, so we can even have a baby. I couldn’t be mad about the comment. He was trying so hard.

So then we had 1.5 hours to spend before the next appointment. We went to lunch – Lamb kabobs! – and then to the library. The appointment at my doctors office was more than I expected. I had to pee in a cup again, I had to get weight and blood pressure again. When I got into the exam room, the nurse asked if I was going to need to get undressed. I said no. I can’t talk to doctors with no pants on. She came in (I had never met this doctor before) and we talked about my options. I could wait it out, get some meds to start cramping or a d&c. M and I had talked at lunch about what we wanted to do. We both agreed that a d&c was what we wanted. I just wanted it over with. I don’t want to spend a few days sitting in my house bleeding. I’ve already done that once before. It’s too much emotionally. It’s not for me. After we made the decision, I had to take my pants off for another quick exam. No ultrasound (I definitely didn’t want to see it again), but she had to look at stuff for her notes and for the surgery.

Then off to wait for more bloodwork (HCG, Progesterone and a typical blood type). While I was waiting for the blood, a lady came over to give me the appointment for the d&c. I was happy to have it so quickly. I hate waiting. I have to be at the hospital at 9:45 on Friday, surgery is at 11:40.

We went shopping after the appointment. Why not? I’ve been wearing threadbare jeans that I wasn’t going to replace because I was going to be in Maternity pants soon anyway. We went straight to kohl’s and I bought 2 new pairs of good jeans. Then we picked up W and went home.

After dinner, I sat down to call the moms. I think this part is worse than the appointments we had today. It was better than last time – at least I wasn’t breaking their hearts because they were dreaming about another grandbaby. They didn’t know anything, so this was completely out of the blue. M’s mom cried and asked lots of questions. My mom (a nurse) was more quiet and got off the phone in just a few minutes. My dad called a few minutes later (the call from him last time was the most emotional of them all). He was crying (now I’m crying) and told me that he knew we’d be ok. He said it just like this: “I know you guys will be ok … … … I hope.” And I just starting laughing. “Did you just say you HOPE we’ll be ok???? What a vote of confidence!!” And he started laughing and that was wonderful. I felt much better.

W has not wanted to leave my side since Tuesday afternoon. It’s like he knows. He just wants me to hold him or sit next to him. He won’t let go of me at daycare. He’s something special. I’m so thankful to have him.

I’ll update again after Friday. I like having a record of everything that happens.

*Side note – with this internal scan, she gave me the wand to stick in there. That was awkward. I’ve never had to do that before. Maybe it’s less awkward than the doctor sticking it up there? Maybe they are both equally awkward? Maybe I’m just awkward?