Body Issues

I feel chatty today. Just a warning. I'm all over the place here.

Yesterday I went into a certain cheap clothing store to get some yoga pants. Not because I do yoga or anything, but because I like to wear sweatpants around the house. M thinks that sweatpants are gross and make me look like I’m letting myself go. We had a “rule” at our house that sweatpants could not be worn before 8 pm. That “rule” kind of faded with all of my exceptions (rain, dark, snow, pregnancy, post-pregnancy, periods, bad day, hungry, cold, etc). Now it is a joke because I come home from work and sometimes find him already in sweatpants. The yoga pants are a great compromise. My butt looks good and I’m comfy. We’re both happy!

While I was browsing, I saw that the jeans were only $19! Hooray! I spent a long time standing and deciding what shape and what size and what everything. It requires some real analysis of your own body right there in the front of the store. I thought critically about myself and my needs and then picked out two styles and headed back to try on. The fitting room lady told me that someone in the store could asses my jeans needs and tell me which type I need. I’m not cool with that. I picked my own, thanks.

This is where the post gets appropriate for a pregnancy blog.

I’m not really into diets or weight loss. I don’t usually obsess over my body shape. I’m pretty comfortable. But this weird no-woman’s land is getting me down. I don’t fit into any of my pants. I could do something about it, but I want to get pregnant soon (trying again this summer… we decided we didn’t want a winter baby). There’s no reason for me to bust my ass just to get fat all over again. I could buy new pants, but they would just be good for a few months before they (hopefully) wouldn’t fit right again. All of my work pants are too tight or too loose. I bought some jeans in January, but I was having a fat, grumpy day. You can imagine how well those fit when I’m trying to go out to a fancy bar in NYC with some friends! Ha!

SAGGY BUTT!!!

So I picked two pairs out of the four. One in each style. One that does not have saggy butt and one that does not produce muffin top. Nowhere in the world will I ever find $19 jeans that eliminate saggy butt and muffin top. The muffin top pants are not REALLY bad. And the saggy butt pants are also not REALLY bad. They will do for now. And they will each meet some needs.

I deserve it. I’m good enough for $19 jeans!

In other news: I’m doing very well. Having a real plan helps me move on. I’m also pretty good at Not Thinking About It. When my mind starts wandering down the …how far along would I be… road, I need to stop and take a breath. I can’t tell you right now how far along I would be. Now I really want to check, but I won’t let myself. That helps. Denial is awesome.

We’re going to try again in June or July. M wants June… I’m leaning towards July. We’ll see if I keep that resolve when June actually arrives. I have a pretty busy March followed by an insanely busy April and then a sort of busy May. Hopefully the time will fly. I’m thinking a lot about what happens next time and the thoughts aren’t all sunshine and unicorns. I mean, who seriously debates morning vs. afternoon appointments because of the availability of surgery the next day?

Now that I’ve brought everyone down… some cheery W stuff!

W still astonishes me every day. He’s been slow to talk, but now it seems like he has a new word every day. Ernie! Hug! Apple! He’s in a toddler bed now and makes me lay down with him each night for some cuddles. I’m a softie. I love it. I spent a weekend away and was terrified that M would have trouble getting him to sleep. But he did just fine without me, proving that I am the problem when it comes to too many cuddles. But really, how could I not cuddle that kid? Every second I have with him seems like a miracle. I’m amazed every day that he exists, that he is mine. I tell myself every night that I’m so lucky that I get to rock him to sleep. The poor kid, I’ll still be rocking him to sleep when he’s 10.