Where is the stage of grieving where you throw away the positive
pregnancy test? Is it acceptance? Because I’m not there. I don’t think I’ve
reached acceptance for these past two and I won’t get there for a while. I’m
still firmly in Anger. I threw the latest test away with a swift, firm Fuck and
then buried it in the other trash. Then I felt bad. Is that really what I want
to do with the only real evidence that a bundle of cells that I love existed?
I talked to the nurse yesterday and went in for another blood
draw. My new OB appointment has been switched to a follow up with time for
discussion about my options. I will investigate my insurance coverage early
next week. I wanted an earlier time, but the schedule was full. My practice has
10 or 12 doctors and is always very busy. It’s frustrating, but they always
take time once you are in the room with the doctor. So I’ll wait and hopefully
come out of that meeting with some sort of action plan. I hope to get a
referral to an RE and to continue trying while we get tests done. I’m don’t
want to stop trying because I know we can be successful… even if it is only 20%
of the time.
The nurse called me again today. My number is down to 2.
Hooray for some good news.
7 comments:
That is good news about your number.
I think you can be as angry as you want.
You don't have to feel bad about angry...your bunch of loved cells does not take it personally....I don't want you to not feel anger, no, don't bottle it up.
Anger, love, happiness, sadness, it's all emotion. If you are feeling very angry, it's an intensity of emotion...that intensity shows how much you wanted this to be and I think your cell bundle gets that.
You are brave to keep trying....you are brave to go to the doctor and thinking about testing...even the name of your blog...to look forward through all this...pretty amazing.
I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you were going through this AGAIN. I've had 3 miscarriages and they were all equally devastating. Doctors kept telling us we were just having bad luck and to keep trying, trying. We had all the testing done and it never showed anything. When I first got pregnant with Riley, I was dx'd with a threatened miscarriage because of bleeding. I thought for sure I was going to lose him. As you probably know all of this, he was born with Down Syndrome. I'm 100% convinced now that we weren't having "bad luck" but that something chromosomally is wrong with one of us. We had 5 pregnancies were one child was born "normally" and Riley has DS and the rest were miscarriages.
I wish they could know more about recurrent miscarriage. It sucks. Hang in there. :(
I can totally understand why you are angry. Happy the number is below 5 and hope you can come up with a good action plan with your doc next week. Lots and lots of PTs for you...and {{{HUGS}}}
You have every right to be angry. The whole thing blows. I am praying that your Dr does refer you to an RE. There's just a different sense of understanding you get from them, I think. Happy to hear your numbers are down though.
Still thinking of you with nothing helpful to say. :/
I'm sorry! :( I agree about the RE. I loved mine. And after testing we were able to figure out how to help me. Hugs.
I'm so sorry to hear that you have had another loss. That's just really crappy.
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