17 weeks and heartache

First of all, I’m 17 weeks and still doing fantastic. The flutters have changed into flipping and tapping. Perfect little moves to make my heart happy. Today I am sitting at work in full maternity gear. I look a little silly in the maternity shirts, but I look like a fat fatty in regular clothes. I have 2-3 regular shirts that are flowy and look very nice, but I can’t wear them all week at work. I need to really sort out clothes this weekend. My closet in the new house is a mess anyway – I hate the layout and the space isn’t efficient at all. I’ll have to clean it out a bit to make room for the new clothes. I am thrilled to have this problem.

Last night, my Brother in law and Sister in Law came over. It was a spur of the moment visit. To make a long story short, SIL is very newly pregnant and bleeding. They are terrified. I spent a long time talking to her and explaining all that happened to me. It’s so scary. I wanted to hug her and cry, but I kind of went into factual mode – I can talk very plainly about the facts of my miscarriage. And when I was going through them, I never wanted anyone to talk to me about my feelings (I did that all here). So I kind of have a wall between me and emotional miscarriage talk. The good thing is that she is still getting dark, positive pregnancy tests. Any time I’ve have bleeding, the tests were either negative or faint when the bleeding started. Today she went for a second blood draw and won’t know the results until Monday. That is so long to wait. That’s all I can really think about right now.