I am going to get blood drawn this afternoon to check my thyroid. The doctor’s office called back to say that the lab never ran that test. The nurse told me I could just wait until my appointment (1 week and 5 days from now!) to get the test and that would be fine. I agreed and hung up. Then I remembered that I had just left a comment somewhere telling someone to stick up for herself – this is your baby we’re talking about! So I took my own advice and called them back yesterday morning. I expected to have to beg, but she said that was fine and I’ll be going in today at 1 pm. She did make it clear that I just wanted the blood draw – not an actual appointment.
M might be in Hawaii longer than anticipated. His coworker had to come home early because his girlfriend is in the hospital with a blood clot in her brain. I can’t imagine his flight home – that so much time out of contact with her. We did get news that she is doing well now. I’m sure having him back has helped calm her down! So, M and the other guys will stay at least an extra day to get the work done. That’s disappointing for me, but I’d rather he stay one day than the other guy to have to go back.
Now, on to my next dilemma! I talked to my Mom last night and I struggled with the conversation. We talked about my trip, but I had to kind of skirt around M not coming home until Sunday night. I CAN NOT lie to my Mom. This includes lies of omission. Example: My brothers and I got together one weekend to get a family portrait done as an anniversary present for our parents. For the weeks leading up to the picture, I could only talk to her in short bursts. She wanted me to meet her for shopping on the day we were getting the picture done and I stumbled over trying to tell her that we might go to dinner with a friend. Like I’d dis my Mom for dinner with people I see every week! Right, so last night she brought up M being on the trip. Normally, when he is away over a weekend, I go right up to their house and enjoy just sitting around with them. I LOVE that. Also, on September 26, her friends are having their wine harvest (it’s a small vineyard and it takes about a half day to pick the grapes and crush them -very fun). My problem is that (1) I’m a huge wino. She’ll know the second I say I’m “too tired” to drink. Right. (2) I’ll tell her my secret the second I see her. I’ll be shifting my weight and get goose bumps and spill. (3) Even if I could fake it for one day, I’ll be up there over night. I can’t last that long.
I want to tell her. She had a miscarriage before me (at 13 weeks) after trying for over a year and then had to try for another year before she got pregnant again. She is wonderful. I hate keeping this from her. But telling my parents that our little boy didn’t have a heartbeat was the hardest thing I have ever done. That was harder than dealing with it myself. My dad cried. I can’t do that again. I’m crying right now just thinking about that. I know I’ll be risking it if I do see a heartbeat, but I need to see it myself (and have a little hope myself) before I risk hurting them again.
Other than that, all is normal.
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4 comments:
Keeping it from my mom and sister is going to be one of the most difficult things when we do get pregnant again! I want to tell them when they can really be excited instead of worried, but I talk with both of them everyday. And I can't keep a secret for ANYTHING! So I completely understand!
Oh, Cheryl, I understand. I've decided not to tell my parents that we're getting ready to start the frozen embryo transfer process again so soon - I just emotionally can't let everyone know ahead of time. I can't face constant questions - even though I know they're of concern. I'm sure that it's so similar for you. I think it's absolutely healthy that you choose to tell her when the time is right for YOU.
Cheryl, I just recently started following your blog, but wanted to offer my congratulations and thoughts. I don't know about your relationship with your parents, but my parents are my biggest support. After my first loss (when I had waited to tell them), I realized that I needed their support and prayers through the next two pregnancies (and subsequent losses). I know that they hurt as badly as I did, but I would not have been able to make it through the losses without them. And please remember that although they might be hurting, it's not you that did it to them. They were hurt, but it's not because of you--it's hurting "with" you. And that's what parents are for (at least in my own opinion). Take care!
My mom told me that, although our babies dying was the hardest thing she's ever faced, that she wouldnt give back the joy of any of the moments. That she would be happy every time we were pregnant, even if it were shortlived. Tell your mom and dad. It's okay. Even if things dont end as you want them too, let them know their grandchild for as long as they can. This is one of the most important lessons I've learned.
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