I joined a huge pregnancy/baby website last November and I loved it immediately. I loved how many people were also TTC at the same time as me and how often they would talk about what I was thinking.
Then I joined (and left) the September 2009 birth club. Then I joined (and left) the November 2009 birth club. I was hesitant to join the May 2010, but I did it anyway. And wow, they are always the same.
I think I commented on one post of the huge birth club, but I mainly try to stay away. I’m so far removed from the typical early pregnancy chatter. The threads talking about names and c-sections are not anything I can think about now.
Sometimes I’ll see a post “Is this normal?” and the girl will be asking about some pain or some symptom going away. I want to say that it happened to me and at my next ultrasound everything was fine. But, given my history, would you want to hear that? That would probably make me more nervous. So I don’t say anything. I’m a lurker now. Not even a lurker, I just read the titles of the posts and roll my eyes and leave. Maybe that will change if I reach uncharted pregnancy territory.
I’m not totally avoiding the boards, of course. I’m also a member of a board for girls (and one guy, actually) who lost their November babies. The group is a huge comfort and supportive. I do like it there. It’s one of the few places (like this blog) where I feel safe talking about all these crazy feelings.
What are your experiences with birth boards?
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12 comments:
I still lurk around my August 2009 board. I can't stop looking at all of their babies and wondering how, out of 50 of us, I was the only one who ended up without one.
They were a pretty good support system for me, though. For about a week, but then they forget about ya.
I say there's nothing wrong with lurking until you're comfortable. I bet many others are doing the same.
Those boards definitely cater to a large variety of experiences. Since IF and loss are the minority it can leave you feeling pretty alone. I usually try to stick with the crowds I have the most in common with - like over 30 and/or TTC for a long time, etc. - sometimes they have special sections for things like that.
I see no issue with you lurking and only reading the threads you can handle. Some of it I'm sure I would roll my eyes at too and I have never experienced a loss.
Maybe you could start a few threads of your own about the specific way you are feeling? You might find some other like-minded women who are also lurking.
So funny you write about this because I've wrestled with the same. With my first pregnancy last December, I got to the point where I posted about the BFP on my IF board, but never made it to any of the pregnancy or expecting clubs. With this recent pregnancy, which looked gangbusters up until week 10 -- I posted about the BFP and even made it to the Pregnant After TTC board, but still was hesitant to join the April 2010 Expecting club. And, unfortunately, my gut instinct proved to be correct.
I hope next time, if there is a next time, I can make it to the point where I feel brave enough to join the EC. Though as far as actually posting there, I have to say I'm still, by far, the biggest fan of my TTC for more than 6 months board. These are the women who understand. Even on the Pregnant After TTC board, some women come on and introduce themselves and say "I've been trying for TWO WHOLE MONTHS and I'm finally here!" and I want to virtually punch them in the nose. It's clearly the wrong board for them but everyone is too nice to say so.
When peeking in the EC boards, it's too many fertile myrtles, I find I still can't identify with them. Even if I make it all the way through a pregnancy one days, the IF ladies are my people and always will be. I'm sad that I've had to deal with IF, but feel blessed to have met so many awesome ladies through it. I guess they're a silver lining to almost any cloud, huh?
We love you on the November Angel Babies board, Cheryl! =)
As for birth boards, they annoy me too. I tend to stick around our board and smaller boards geared toward specific topics like natural childbirth and stuff. Less drama, less annoying questions... =)
I'm actually a member of a November Angel Babies board on a big message board. Although I'm preparing to go through the FET process, I find that the women are in a much different place than I am. There's so much discussion of trying to conceive - that's still hard for me to think about personally. I can't stop thinking about the baby I should be having in November, you know? I think a lot of the women on my particular board lost their babies pretty early on in the pregnancy, too, so we might just be at different points in our healing cycles.
I'm so glad that board has been helpful - but you're right, all of the Birth Boards are essentially the same thing. The same worries, the same bickering, the same stuff.
I found that I struggled with TTC boards and early pregnancy boards. With the TTCs, I'd get so ticked off with people "planning pregnancies" because they wanted/didnt want babies in certain months. Then, the first trimester posters who thought nothing bad could possibly happen or who would comment on things that were so petty... I just had such a hard time when all I could think was "be grateful your baby is alive" or "just pray for viability" or "just pray that you make it full term". I handled being on pregnancy-after-a-loss boards much better.
I was a member of Cafemom, and met some great people on that website. But after my second loss, I left the site. I just can not bring myself to see all the women and all of their perfect babies....BUT as soon as I am pregnant again I WILL be back on CAFEMOM!
I don't belong to any, but I have thought about joining one. I am sure I would have a similar experience as you though. Joining an infertility board sounds interesting though. I'm never sure which site I want to join.
I don't belong to TTC boards, I can imagine that sometimes it can be overwhelming. Good luck finding a great support system. I hope your week is a good one.
Happy ICLW
Sometimes I think the internet is an evil genius sitting on my lap. I have to be careful with it because it can too easily exacerbate the mood I am in or take the hopes and dreams I have built up that day and dash them. Other times I can read about someone else's situation and cling to their positive outcome like gospel. I haven't experienced IF myself, but even with my own typical pregnancy and "it all turned out right in the end" situations, logging on to my boards can turn into a roller coaster of emotion that can be too much for me.
I'm very selective these days about when to leave a message on those boards -- I have a 'group' of ladies that have been through losses and that's pretty much the only board I respond to -- I'm too chicken to go join a birth club for the sake of *jinxing* things. I know, how silly. Maybe once I feel more secure that this one will stick - I'll start to open up to those giddy first-timers.
Looks like we're about a week apart. I feel the same way. I can't look at things like that anymore. it hurts too much. I think you're brave to sign up again and look again. Even if we can't fully fall into naive bliss like them, at least you're hoping.
ICLW
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