This is one of my favorite websites: Alphamom
The writers (I’m not even sure if there are more than one!) are awesome and seem like normal people. The pregnancy calendar is frickin fantastic and the advice column is one of the few where I don’t get angry at the columnist for being an idiot (good advice: Carolyn Hax, bad advice: Friend or Foe*).
Right, so back on topic. Today’s Advice Smackdown is from a woman who had a stillborn son. She was wondering about writing the thank you notes for all the wonderful things people had done for her. I was there (although not exactly in her shoes)and I remember the awfulness of those cards. Actually making the cards was wonderful and therapeutic (I’m crafty and I make my own cards. You wouldn’t ever guess that because I’m an engineer). Writing the actual thank you notes was terrible. I cried through every single one. I broke down in the middle and told M that I wasn’t supposed to be writing these cards. I was supposed to be taking care of a baby soon. I got them out before I even went back to work because I just needed to get that chore out of the way.
Amy’s advice today was perfect. I saw that a few people from our side of the web have chimed in on the comments. I’m going to keep this in the back of my mind – you know the things you remember *just in case* this happens to someone else. I never thought to offer to write someone else’s thank you notes. But now I will. I’ll bring over dinner and leave with a list of notes to write. And to never, ever expect one in return.
*So I think Friend or Foe sucks. It's not bad today, but if you are bored, go back to the early days and see what you can find. I read it because I love train wrecks.
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5 comments:
I used to make my own stationary. Now, I'm lazy and buy it (although I usually order it personalized). I have to say that I needed to write the thank you notes. I sobbed and sobbed but it was therapeutic and let me know people were there.
I, too, never thought of offering to write notes. What a wonderful gesture! I will remember this suggestion...
Wow what a thoughtful idea. I can't imagine having to write thank-you notes for something like that.
We had a bunch of people who wanted to donate in Maddie's name for her memorial, so we set up a fund. Writing the thank-you cards was excrutiating - I also cried over each one. It's just so heartbreaking - what a wonderful article.
Out of curiosity, what is the "thank you" notes for? Is it just a way to inform family and friends of the horrible tragedy?
E, I had gotten so much support from friends and family - I got flowers every day, meals, cookies, books and gift cards to resturants (for carry out).
I know you have said that no one aknowledged your miscarriages (which is awful, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that grief alone) and that was one reason I had in mind when I sent out the cards. I wanted people to know how much it meant to have them reach out to me - to make sure they would do it again for someone else.
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