34 Weeks

6 weeks to go!

I’ve had a nice week. My parents had their marriage recognized in the church (my brothers and I decided that we are now all legitimate, even though we are step children and all that mess…). I had to wear a dress. I was very upset about having to wear pantyhose (hello, ugly fat legs!). M suggested that I get thigh-highs. That man is a genius.

The good: The nursery is coming along. I decided it is much more fun to wash baby clothes than regular clothes. It also takes twice as long because I hold everything up and gush about how cute it is. My entire house smells like Dreft. I’ll post pictures once it is finished.

The bad: M won’t let me buy depends for nighttime. I just want to not have to roll myself out of bed two times a night!

The ugly: The next person to tell me “Sleep now while you can!” is going to get a swift punch in the neck. Look at me! Do you think I am sleeping? Are you insane? And do you really I’ll be sitting there at 3 am with a crying newborn all perky and going “Hey, you know what? I’m so glad I slept that extra 30 minutes in March! I’m wide awake now!” Jerks. Shut up.

In other news, my MIL has offered to drive us to the hospital when I go into labor. I’d like to remind you this is the same woman who flipped out when our electricity went out this winter and wanted to come rescue us, even though we have a fireplace and blankets. She is WONDERFUL, but she cannot handle stress. She is the type of person to grab the handle above the window and shriek if the light turns yellow as you drive through it. She is the last person I want driving while I have a contraction. Luckily, M agrees. He doesn’t even really want his parents at the hospital.

I've been thinking about when I had 34 weeks to go... when I was just 6 weeks pregnant and scared out of my mind. 34 more weeks seemed like such a long time to live with the crazy fears that come with pregnancy after loss. All those sleepless nights before doctor appointments. The crying and the constant reminding myself to say IF. Things are different now. I'm not afraid of going to the doctor anymore and getting news that my baby is dead - all I need to do is poke myself in the belly to be reassured. We say WHEN about the baby. We have a room set up. We could have the car seat installed this weekend. Of course I'm still afraid of something happening at delievery or my baby coming too early... I can't read any kind of story about stillbirth or SIDS. Those scare the shit out of me. But I'm not the paranoid mama that I was in September.

My heart is going out to everyone in the early days of pregnancy. You can get through it! It won't be long until you'll be writing about how you are less afraid and how in love you are.