40 Weeks

Hi! It's my due date! Where's that baby???

The good: I've made it to a fully cooked little (big?) baby! We're both healthy and happy. One of us is a little too happy... I am fully prepared to have a child in this house. I have cereal now.

The bad: Well, it's my due date and the baby is still in my belly. That's not why I was counting down to today!

The ugly: Me. I'm not in too bad shape, but I know poor M must think I'm gross. I'm just really a huge lump of sweat and farts that has to pee a lot. He's being nice and pushing my butt to help me get off the couch. But I'm gross and I know it.

The Appointment:
I did not gain any weight this week. This is the first thing I've had that I can find on my "what happens before labor list" that we get in childbirth class. The Drill Sergent told us that we would stop gaining weight or loose a little right before we have the baby. I am pretending that it doesn't matter that this was a morning appointment and I usually am in there right after lunch.

I measured myself with the tape before the doctor got in there because they never tell me where I am. It said 39 weeks. M said that means I have another week. I told him to never talk to me again. Then the doctor came in. She said I measured on time. I am 3-4 cm dilated and the baby is "way up there." So that's progress and I know I won't have to worry about going to the hospital and having them tell me I'm at a 1. That would suck.

I asked her about work and told her I stopped going on Friday. She said to just leave the disability forms at the front desk and they'll get them filled out for me. That's a great thing. Now I won't feel (semi)guilty about not working this week. And I can get another week out of my very crappy short term disability.

Then we started talking induction. I wanted to go as soon as possible. She said Tuesday. One of us is a doctor, so that person wins. I am currently waiting for a phone call from the nurse to get that scheduled.

Then for the fun! I got a Non Stress Test, which was awesome. I got to curl up in a huge comfy recliner and listen to the baby's heart beat for 20 minutes. M got to sit with me on a wooden chair. He had to pee, but he was afraid he'd miss something. So he just sat with me the whole time. I called my mom so she could hear the monitor and she liked it. The doctor took a look at the chart and pronounced us good. The heart beat was steady the whole time.

Next was an ultrasound to check the fluid. The baby looks SO different now. I couldn't tell what anything was, not even the head. We were on an old machine, so you can't really see much anyway, but she measured the fluid pockets and checked the position. Everything is perfect.

I guess I couldn't ask for anything more. We're both doing great, so there is no need to induce me now. That's a good thing (I keep telling myself). And with this much dilation... I could still go at any time (right?).

The emotional stuff: So, May 18th (Tuesday, induction day) is exactly one year since we found out our baby died. The worst day of my entire life. I could be leaving the hospital with a new baby one year after leaving with no baby. This is kind of hard for me to take. I told M I didn't really want the baby born on the 18th or 19th because those are bad days for me. But I also think that maybe it will be ok... I mean, it's like having a baby on Sept 11... it brings some good back into that day. Something positive.