The conversation:
C: We need to start thinking about names
M: Really? [frowns]
C: Yes, really, this kid is going to need a name. We can’t just call it Baby forever.
M: [grins]
C: [grins back, knowing he wants to say something about Dirty Dancing, but also knowing he knows that I know and I’ll take him seriously and we’ll end up with a kid named Baby forever and the poor kid will be in the corner all the time.]
C: We’ll get a book of names and look through it.
M: That sounds good.
C: I want to have 2 names for each. You know, like that time we picked out a name for the goldfish before we got it and it just didn’t seem right.
M: Yup. We’ll get a book.
So I guess you could say we’re talking about names.
The good: I now know what it feels like when the baby turns completely over. It makes me feel better because I knew those bumps couldn’t be kicks yet. But I knew they were something. They are somersaults. I am wearing all maternity clothes: pants, tank top, and shirt. I feel like I could go to bed wearing this stuff. I can’t wipe this smile off my face.
Last night, I was standing in front of the mirror examining my belly (I do this every day) and M came over and smiled and just gave it a little caress, like you would do to a newborn. I love watching him fall in love.
The bad, The ugly: Not much to complain about. Not that I feel like I could ever complain. I’m sleeping terribly, but who cares? I would give up sleeping completely if I had to.
I read some sad blogs today about recent losses. Here I am, all happy and bouncing on a cloud. But other people are still hurting. That could be me today. I just want to crawl into those blogs and hug the women who are just aching. I know what it feels like. I know the pain. I’m grateful to be where I am today, but it only takes me a second to go back to that place. My heart is breaking for everyone experiencing a loss right now. I remember when I first started reading blogs and I would see women who were on the road to having another child and feeling their happiness. I remember wishing I could get to that point. And here I am. I’m not out of the woods at all, but I’m on the path. My wish for everyone out there is that your time wandering around lost will end and you’ll find your hope and your way out. And I wish that it will be soon.
6 comments:
WOW!!! 19 weeks! I am so happy.
My heart still breaks reading loss announcements. it is like going through them just flashes before my eyes.
wow you are on your way to the twenties lady! thanks for the encouraging words at the end of this post ;)
Sometimes to me the somersaults feel more like someone is dunking their hand in a tub of water ("plunk!"), if that makes sense.
Wow, 19 weeks?! How'd that happen?!
And yes, it does sometimes feel odd when reading about others losses . . . I think gals like us (with m/c under our belts) have extra empathy.
I am so glad that you are coming to the point of joy and happiness in your journey. I am still not there and you give me hope for the future. I have moments, but they are only short so far.
Good luck finding the perfect names and all of the other things you will soon need. Happy, happy, happy!!
I am so very happy for you! :) And it's so sweet that M is so in love with the baby - that's such a wonderful feeling. Hugs to you!
There were so many loss remembrances/announcements on LFCA today - it made me cry.
Couldn't even begin to tell you how happy I am that you are starting to be able to enjoy your little miracle. You give me so much hope and I want to thank you so very much for that. God Bless!
I don't think that when we previous m/c ladies ever read or hear about a loss that we'll ever be able to not feel that persons heartbreak as if it were our own. It is what makes us sisters through this journey even when we finally get our miracles.
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