Sock it to me!!!

I love this. I love socks! I love Kym!

My socks came from somewhere in the midwest from someone whose name I can't remember! I'm such a jerk! I got rid of the shipping information before I could write down my person! If you are the awesome blogger who sent me these fantastic socks, leave a comment so I can fully acknowledge you. Thank you!

Updated: Kym let me know that my socks came from Beautiful Mess at Life induces thoughts, mostly random. I'll be catching up on her all day today. Thanks!!!

Let's start by checking out my fantastic pedicure from my girl's weekend:





You know, it's kind of a shame to hide feet like that with socks. But I love socks.

Now, I got two pairs of socks. They are perfect. I do not wear plain socks, even when I am trying to be professional. These can go into my daily rotation.

So, which do I like better? The green fancy ones?

Or the yellow duckies?

Or how about both!

So, how has the blogging community supported me over the past year? Can I even put that into words? I had the darkest time of my life this past summer... if I didn't have this place, I'm not sure I would be in one of the brightest times right now. I was able to see that my feelings were normal, I wasn't alone and others had survived the sadness of losing a pregnancy and gone on to have babies. My friends here held me up and carried me through the scary first weeks with this pregnancy. Now I'm trying to send those positive vibes to others who are just starting to get out of the dark days.

Everything is still going wonderful over here. I've officially been kicked during my dreams. We are picking up the nursery furniture on Saturday. I've been invited to my baby shower! Wow.

29 Weeks

The title of this post should be: Why does water give me heartburn?

Things are still truckin along. I got a phone call last night telling me that our furniture is ready to be picked up. Oh Shit!

This evening (and maybe tomorrow and/or Friday if this new Snownami shows up), I am going to start gathering my craft things together and move them down to the basement. It’s cold down there, so I’m reluctant to move… but it’s worth it!

The good: The baby had hiccups again last night during the ski-cross. M couldn’t really feel them, but I could. I’m still getting nervous when I don’t feel a lot of movement, but whenever I sit still and have some food, it starts up again.

The bad: Hip pain sucks, but it goes away if I change position. I’m waking up in the middle of the night for hours and feeling wide awake. Everyone says this is practice for the baby. I think those people are full of S. I spend the time awake either planning my work day (which does not help at all) or thinking about a little yellow nursery with new furniture (which does help).

Also, I'm frickin STARVING.

The Ugly: Heartburn all over the place. Heartburn after breakfast. Heartburn at 3 am. Heartburn after ice cream.

28 Week Appointment

I’m back from my 28 week appointment. It was a quick in and out for the doctor part. The baby’s heart rate is in the 130s, which is lower than before, but baby is getting bigger. I’m measuring exactly on time. Hooray!

Um, weight… not that it’s a big deal but I am now officially heavier than I have ever been in my life. I weigh more than I did my junior year of college when I lived next door to the best on campus dining hall on the east coast and discovered that beer was better than liquor. This is expected and I’m fine with it. But I can feel the heaviness!

The glucose test was fine, I guess. I really didn’t think the drink was that bad. I have a huge sweet tooth… so drinking orange sugar drink is kind of a treat for me. I waited for an hour and had the blood draw. The whole time I was SO hungry and thirsty. I didn’t get my normal morning carb load and that made me cranky. Then I had a headache. Those things didn’t make me feel too excited about the results. I will load up on sugar and carbs for the next few days just in case.

I got McDonalds on my way to work and now I am happy!

We registered this weekend! And we bought our furniture! And then I took a nap!

Stretch Marks!!!

Oh Shit!

I was feeling all proud of my non-stretch-marked self for having such elastic skin and being so frickin beautiful.

Then, last night, I was getting punched in the belly while I brushed my teeth. I lifted up my shirt to see if I could see the punches from the outside when I saw something awful. Two little blue lines snaking around on my right side. M decided that I was getting bruises from the punches because we have the strongest baby in the world. I had to tell him the awful truth.

I have one small container of lotion for this stuff (I'll get more this weekend). I was rubbing it all over my belly and M was just laying in bed laughing. He said he wants to rub the belly from now on. Then he told me I look like Tim Allen in The Santa Clause. I love my husband.

28 Weeks

Ok, now I can really say I’m in the third trimester. I can officially be cranky and waddle a little. I was sitting on the stairs, talking to our neighbor and struggled to get up. M told me I was getting up like a pregnant lady. Ha!

The good: I’m round and waddling. I had a prenatal massage. The baby had hiccups on Sunday night. Those were cool, but pretty uncomfortable… and the fact that they happened around 3 am didn’t help with my sleeping.

The bad: I’m sick of peeing all the time. Who isn’t? It sucks. I’m sleeping like crap. BH contractions whenever I don’t drink enough water… blah.

The ugly: I’m growing out of the work pants I bought. Oh well. They are going to have to last me 12 more weeks and I don’t care if I stretch the hell out of them by then. Heartburn is not funny anymore. My belly button is getting shallower and shallower. I hate it when anything touches near it. And I hate the way it looks. I am upset about this and if it pops out I will probably pass out for the remainder of the pregnancy.

The usual: I had a great weekend with friends. I was pampered at the spa with my massage. I think I will always have a prenatal massage. I liked cuddling with the body pillow. I had the fancy manicure and pedicure because I deserve it. I loved the pedicure. My toes look awesome. I still wonder why I get manicures. I stare at my nails and I want to peel! the! polish! now! Also, the extreme nail growth means my brand new manicure already looks about a week old. But the color is pretty!!!

What else… I am really registering on Saturday and so excited to spend quality time with my mom! M is going to miss the first hour or two because he’s going to an information session for an MBA program (hooray!). He is actually kind of upset about it, but I told him not to worry. We’ll focus on thermometers and bottles while we wait for him. We are really going to order our furniture. And… I have a real baby shower scheduled. Wow. It seems crazy to be doing all this stuff. I’m nervous that my appointment on Monday won’t go well, but then I have to stop myself and hold still and wait for a little kick to tell me everything is ok.

The baby does have a pattern of activity. It is one day of insane movement followed by 2-3 days of just kicks here and there. I am in the down part right now and I hate it. I was freaking out this morning so I laid on my side after breakfast to see what would happen. I got back up after 4 minutes because the baby had already kicked 7 times. And I consider this to be “down time”… what’s my problem?

Work is nutso, but should calm down after this week (and it did calm down a lot today… I’m finally writing this and catching up with everyone else). My horoscope for March said I would have a lucky work day on the 1st. I am going to try to talk to the bosses about maternity leave that day. I’m nervous!

One last thing, my husband is so great! I left him alone on Valentine’s day to be on my girl’s weekend and he did all the chores AND left flowers for me to find when I got home on Monday morning. He is amazing!

27 Weeks

Isn't this really the end of the second trimester? Do I really have to wait another week? M and I discussed this over breakfast. We decided that if I am really cranky this week, it will be the 3rd trimester. Judge for yourselves!



The Good: Baby is back on its regular kicking schedule. Sleep is still going well. I am getting a prenatal massage on Sunday at it better be the best thing ever. If I fall asleep during it I am going to punch somebody.



The Bad: More Braxton Hicks! Ugh! I hate that stuff. I think it was caused by me being kind of stressed out yesterday and being a little "stuck" if you know what I mean. I took a break at work and stretched myself out and played some internet games for about 15 minutes. The contractions went away and when I got home I was able to fix the other problem.



I cut my toenails last night. That was harder than I expected. I have a girl's weekend coming up (hence the massage) and I'll be getting a pedicure, too. I HATE the feeling of someone else cutting or filing my nails (fingers and toes). I like to get that done myself before the appointment. It looks like I'm going to have to get over that pretty soon. The good thing is that I guess I have to get more pedicures now... poor me!



I have old man heartburn now. Just prop me up and send over the tums.



The Ugly: Like everyone else on the planet, I'm a little tired of hearing about Snowmageddon. And I'm living in the center of it. I'm not at work today (which is awesome!) but I have to take vacation time for it (which sucks!) and this is the most busy I've been at work for a while. That is why I'm kind of stressed out. Life will be better in a week or two. The bright side: at least we have power!



I think I'm working on a post-college record of not seeing my mom. It makes me sad. I hate you, Snowmageddon!

Here is the view from our office/future nursery window right now. I can actually feel the wind blowing from my chair. We really need to get new windows before I make a baby sleep in here!

P.S. A bunch of you gave me that awesome award and that is awesome. Thanks!! If I can get my sh!t together, I'll do the random facts. My only random facts right now are about snow and they are all angry.

What I did on my snowy weekend

I think I’m a little tired of snow. We broke the records for snowfall in Maryland and we’re about to get more. I’m not nearly as tired as poor M, who had to shovel us out. We are so lucky to have friends next door, so M doesn’t have to shovel alone. It’s more like hanging out with his friend instead of being a chore. I like watching them dig and laugh together.

I left work early on Friday afternoon when the snow started picking up. I’m not about to risk anything with this baby. It didn’t really start to stick until after I would have gotten home normally, but whatever. I got all of the weekend chores finished before it was even officially the weekend!! That was awesome.

Anyway, snow, snow everywhere and I was the only one who couldn’t drink!

This is a view of the windows looking onto our deck. The snow was drifted, so it looks a bit worse than it really is... but it's deep! The piles between driveways are over 7' tall!



Our power went out at 3 am on Saturday morning. This means M didn’t sleep at all after that as he went into man mode and needed to protect us. At first, he just laid in bed and complained about being cold and yelled at me for throwing the covers off. He was trying to keep warm by spooning me, which just made me sweat like a pregnant lady. He got out of bed around 7 and somehow he got our neighbor, A, to start a fire in our fireplace. We made a fire back in 2004 and never did it again. We have a small woodpile under the deck with a ton of old wood. It wasn’t ideal, but they did get a small fire started. It didn’t become a FIRE with HEAT until 2 pm. The 4 of us were laying on our couches and covered with blankets not speaking and frowning. Someone’s cell phone rang and we all thought for 2 seconds that the power was coming back on. That was funny. When it did come back on for real (The roar of our old beer fridge let us know), we started cheering.

In the meantime, the men shoveled, the women laid on the couch and my mother in law called over and over again to freak out.

Note to MILs everywhere: If you are freaked out about your DIL’s pregnancy, don’t call her when there is nothing anyone can do. It’s not like my main priority was shoveling the snow. I spent the day wrapped in blankets and keeping my core temperature normal. Sure, my nose and toes were chilly, but my house never fell below 53 degrees! I wouldn’t have had a problem if she hadn’t kept calling us. M actually yelled at her. So when the baby wasn’t moving much on Saturday night, I was extra freaked out.

Sunday was a finally a fun snowed in day. I made 4 (FOUR!) scrapbook pages for the baby book. I was afraid to start, but now I can’t stop! M made chili, I was warm and the neighbors came over for the superbowl (the baby LOVED Carrie Underwood singing. WTF?). I was sad when the front end loader came out around midnight to dig out our road.

So here I am, at work and everyone is talking about the 12-18” we’re supposed to get on Tuesday. Note to the weather: This is MARYLAND! Not the arctic!

On another note: I found out all the details of my short term disability pay from work. And it is CRAPPY. I get 6 weeks past my due date at 70% pay. That sounds good, right? Except that I have to be out of work 29 days before that kicks in. Meaning I will get paid for the 29th day through the 42nd day. That is 13 days (minus weekends). I will get 70% of two weeks of pay and we wanted me to stay home for 12 weeks. Haha! My job is to now sit down and go through the budget and find out how long I can stay home without making a huge dent in our savings. You’d think this would mean we would go into savings mode right now, but we’re trying to get new windows before the baby gets here. I need to make some spreadsheets.

26 Weeks

The most exciting thing about this week is LESS THAN 100 days!!! I am down to double digits. This is awesome.

The good: Most everything is good this week. I’ve been going to bed early, only waking up once or twice. I’ve had dancing in my belly and lots of frozen yogurt.

The bad: There’s the whole peeing thing (thanks for making me feel less weird about it… I figured it was just one of those things no one talked about). I’ve been having weird dreams (not a pregnancy symptom for me – I always have detailed wacko dreams) that sometimes include miscarriage dreams (or me getting eaten by sharks). The dreams are still scary, but the reassurance of a few kicks when I wake up help so much.

I can’t do much on weeknights. My back starts to hurt pretty bad after cleaning up from dinner, so I have to limit myself from doing anything after dinner. That’s not too bad, I guess. We’re late eaters and M does all the cooking. Good thing!

The ugly: I am very very very angry about the snow (Snow last weekend, snow this morning, snow this weekend). I’m supposed to have a great weekend planned. WTF, Snow?? I live in Maryland. It’s supposed to snow here twice a year and just be annoying cold rain the rest of the time. My mom is planning on coming down on Friday and then we’ll go register on Saturday morning. If she can’t come down this weekend then who knows when she’ll be able to visit again. I feel like a whiner. But this was going to be such a special weekend! I’ve been thinking about this for years!!! Ugh.

An entire post about pee

I think I’m pretty close to the crazy peeing part of pregnancy. It would be nice if I was already there and this was as bad as it gets. But I’m pretty sure it will get crazier. I have to say I love getting classic pregnancy symptoms! It makes me feel normal!

I’m pretty sure I have pee on my knee right now.

I get an amazing pressure in my belly area when I have to pee. It doesn’t even feel like it’s supposed to, it’s like I’ve had to re-learn that feeling. But it goes away the second I pee. And I pee a lot (as in a large amount) and it goes all over the place. I have to “be neat and wipe the seat” every time.

My favorite part of the day is when I get home from work and I can pee freely. Like take off my pants and contort my body into any position necessary to get all the pee out. I can’t do that in a work bathroom.

Over the weekend, M and I were doing...you know... and in the middle we had to stop so I could run to the bathroom. I had somehow gotten myself in a pee position and I almost peed all over him.

I wear only sweatpants at home because it is easier access for peeing.

I’m not even going to start with gas….

And I thought I had a pregnancy craving...

An email exchange from yesterday:

C: How is your day? I had a breakdown this morning and went to Dunkin Donuts to get a muffin. I needed it. I got doughnuts for the rest of the office, too. Now I am not really hungry for lunch.
M: What kind of breakdown? I hope you’re OK?!
C: I was so hungry. I thought I would die. I didn’t want anything but a muffin or a cheeseburger. It was 10 am, so I decided on a muffin. It wasn’t a mental breakdown.
M: Oh. A lot of time I want either a muffin or a cheeseburger also. This is completely normal.

Thank you notes

This is one of my favorite websites: Alphamom

The writers (I’m not even sure if there are more than one!) are awesome and seem like normal people. The pregnancy calendar is frickin fantastic and the advice column is one of the few where I don’t get angry at the columnist for being an idiot (good advice: Carolyn Hax, bad advice: Friend or Foe*).

Right, so back on topic. Today’s Advice Smackdown is from a woman who had a stillborn son. She was wondering about writing the thank you notes for all the wonderful things people had done for her. I was there (although not exactly in her shoes)and I remember the awfulness of those cards. Actually making the cards was wonderful and therapeutic (I’m crafty and I make my own cards. You wouldn’t ever guess that because I’m an engineer). Writing the actual thank you notes was terrible. I cried through every single one. I broke down in the middle and told M that I wasn’t supposed to be writing these cards. I was supposed to be taking care of a baby soon. I got them out before I even went back to work because I just needed to get that chore out of the way.

Amy’s advice today was perfect. I saw that a few people from our side of the web have chimed in on the comments. I’m going to keep this in the back of my mind – you know the things you remember *just in case* this happens to someone else. I never thought to offer to write someone else’s thank you notes. But now I will. I’ll bring over dinner and leave with a list of notes to write. And to never, ever expect one in return.

*So I think Friend or Foe sucks. It's not bad today, but if you are bored, go back to the early days and see what you can find. I read it because I love train wrecks.

25 Weeks

These weekly updates are starting to get monotonous… Sorry about that! I just like keeping a record of everything.

The good: The usual, movement is great, I’m starting to show more and more and my uncontrollable hunger is starting to get controlled. I’m still warm all the time, but that’s a good thing when it is 35 degrees outside. It’s a bad thing sometimes (see below), but I was kind of looking forward to this pregnancy symptom so I would stop being cold all the frickin time.

The bad: I am not sleeping well, even with my body pillow. I bought a huge one, which I LOVE, but now I’m hot. Of the two (intense back pain or sweating), I pick sweating. I might wake up just as often, but I’m falling asleep faster. M hates the pillow, but he cuddles with the side closest to him. Last night I was having trouble sleeping (because of stuff on my mind) and I crawled out of my nest and over to him. He was sleeping, but said, “yessssssss!” when I made him spoon me.

The ugly: I have lost all patience for anyone else’s petty emotional crap problems.
{drama removed}

Normal stuff: I told a client today about the baby. I’m supposed to start going on site visits for a building and I’m not about to go picking my way through muddy, uneven construction sites. I fall down on normal days on flat floors. I don’t want to trip over some rebar or risk anything. I told him that we wanted to go out to the site, but I wouldn’t be the one doing the visit. He was fine with that. I do really like site visits. You get to meet the people that call all the time and it’s time away from the desk! Plus, I’ll be the one doing all the work from the visit, so it’s usually best to get a glimpse of the actual construction. But I’d rather not go and my bosses have said they don’t want me doing anything I’m uncomfortable with. That’s a good thing! Not everyone has that luxury!

M finished working on the nursery/office closet and now I have shelves to put things on! Tonight we’ll be putting things on shelves in the guest bedroom and the nursery. Organizing makes me happy. Parts of my house are a huge mess right now, but parts of it are so clean! Woohoo!!!

24 weeks belly pic

This is a few days late, but I took this picture last Wednesday:



The boob overflow is way down because of Gap Maternity tank tops. Thanks Gap!

24 Week Appointment

I had my 24 week appointment this morning. Everything went great. I saw the doctor for about 5 minutes. She found the heartbeat immediately and then the baby moved, so she found it again. We were steady in the 140s. I will probably have the 1-hour glucose test at my next appointment in 4 weeks. I say probably because the doctor talked to me about it, but forgot to write it on the form. The lady scheduling appointment is going to make sure. My office doesn’t require fasting or anything before the test, so it will be fine if I have it and fine if I don’t.

A girl came in while we were waiting. She was there for a miscarriage follow-up. She had some questions about the paperwork and I knew what she was asking about. I wanted to run up to the counter and hug her and tell her that there are so many of us out here. But I knew that I couldn’t do it. I would have been so upset if someone had done that to me. I kept a look out for her when I was in the back doing the regular appointment stuff, but I didn’t see her. I remember sitting in the same waiting room and not looking at anyone because I didn’t want to see a smiling pregnant woman. So I sent her lots of little prayer and kept my face down. I hate hearing that this keeps happening.

Thanks for all the great comments on my last post. I checked on the tree this morning and hasn’t had any more damage. The picture is a “before” picture. I don’t want to take an after picture… so sad. M painted the office/nursery closet over the weekend, so I wasn’t allowed to get on the computer while the paint dried. Thank you!! Hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on ICLW today!

My Tree

Friday was a bad day.

We were getting ready to have our neighbors over for dinner when M came up the stairs and told me that the deer had eaten our little tree. I thought he meant a sad holly we planted a few years ago that just can't seem to keep up. He didn't. He meant the little tree in the backyard that my mom gave us in May. The little tree that I almost think of as my son.

I cried. I'm still crying.

I know he's not really in the tree, but I feel like I failed him. I went out during the snow storms to make sure the little tree was still upright, I watered it all summer. I love that tree.

And I failed him. I left it unprotected and now it looks like a sad stick in the ground.

I cried the kind of sobs that make husbands cry. He tried to calm me down because he didn't want me to do any harm to our new baby, but I couldn't stop. Then he did what men do best. He fixed the problem. He stood up and said, "Let's go." We went to home depot and bought a little wire fence and he installed it immediately, even though he should have been preparing dinner for our friends.

I'm still so sad about this, but I can't stop feeling grateful for M. I heard him go outside this morning to check on the tree. He already is the best father in the world. I am so lucky to have him.

Welcome ICLW!

Hi! Nice to meet you!

Here’s a little background on me – I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant. I had two miscarriages in 2009. The first was in January at 5 weeks and the second was a missed miscarriage at 14 weeks in May. I was diagnosed with heterozygous MTHFR and I have to believe that one baby aspirin a day is keeping this kid growing.

My current struggles are keeping the hope alive that this baby will be ok (and I’m doing well with this right now), keeping my stress level low at work and dealing with some people around me that make me crazy.

I’m in a good place right now that sometimes makes me feel even sadder – I cry more about my baby boy than I did earlier in my pregnancy, but less than I did before it. I think about how I missed out on so much with him, but then realize that I wouldn’t have this baby without him. It’s a weird place to be.

This is my A-Z that I did a long time ago.

My normal rambling for today:

I discussed reaching viability with M last night. He asked me what it meant and then said that we shouldn’t think about that right now. He’s right. I told him the signs of pre-term labor and how I don’t think I have any of them and then he talked about a ping-pong tournament at work.

He’s talking about making a career change. He’s so unhappy at work and I wish I could do something to help. He had one interview, but then his contact changed jobs so that kind of fell through the cracks. We talked about him getting his MBA and what that would take. It will be a lot of work and time… but M is a born leader. He’s a classic oldest child! An MBA is the way to go for him. I know it will be hard to start this fall with our life at home changing so much. We’ll have to make some sacrifices… it will probably mean staying in our house longer than we had planned, it will mean having to eat dinners that I cook, it will mean he’ll be away a few nights a week and need study time. But it feels right. I’m proud of him.

Today I’m going to a meeting and I tried to put on clothes that would kind of hide this belly. It’s not possible. My belly sticks out past my boobs now (barely). This project will be due in the summertime and I’m not trying to advertise that fact that I (probably) won’t be the one finishing it. I just don’t want to deal with the questions. I’ve never worked with any of these people before, so I don’t know if any of them will ask. They probably won’t even notice. I keep forgetting that I work with only men.

24 Weeks

So, 24 weeks! Neat!

The good: This kid keeps getting more and more active. I had a kick that made me sit straight up in bed and almost scream. I’ve started getting punched in the organs above the uterus (very lightly, but still uncomfortable). I’m talking to the baby more and we’re starting to work on the nursery.

I ordered a body pillow and I can’t wait to get it. I would really like to be able to sleep without crazy back pain. M tried to help, but then he rolls away from me after a few hours. Every night he gets into bed and tries to shape himself like a pillow. It doesn’t really work. We talked about the pillow and I’m sad that it will get in the way of cuddling, but… it’s only for a few months. And I told him he could cuddle with the pillow, too.

We got our first baby outfit! I went to have dinner at my aunt’s house and she gave us a little toy and two onesies. I play with them every day. I love them. I can’t believe we have baby clothes!

The great clean out continues – we cleaned out the closet in the office. It was filled. We got out 3 bags of recycling and 2 bags of trash. I also got rid of a ton of books that I’m taking to the second hand bookstore tonight. I’d say they are about one trash bag full. That puts the total at 18 trash bags of stuff removed from our house so far. M is going to buy some more shelving for our guest room and office/nursery closet today and he’ll get those up this weekend.

The bad: I’m stressed at work. It sucks. That’s why I haven’t been posting here very often. Thank goodness this kid is staying active or I’d be double stressed. I hate work stress and I’ve always made it a point to leave work stress at work, so I do have that going for me. M asked me last night how things were going and I think I surprised him but just venting for about 20 minutes… so maybe I’m not that good at keeping it separate. He helped me out, though. The bad stuff for this project should be over by the end of next week (or it will get worse). Let’s all hope it gets worked out.

Preggo brain – not a myth. I left my purse at work last night (probably a mixture of preggo brain + stress). I don’t remember anything. Ever.

The ugly: I am now officially the hot, sweaty pregnant woman. I have to take my shoes off before lunch because my feet get sweaty. I’m worried that when I stand up everyone will see how sweaty my butt is.

100th post

Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary and my 100th post!

Happy Anniversary, M. I’m not going to post a mushy love letter to him here, but I’m so lucky to have him as a husband. I’d be a disaster without him. I promise I don’t really want to name our kid Heathcliff.

For my 100th post, here is an idea I stole from Kym:

I played around with this back in the summer and the picture was totally different. This isn't totally filled with positive words, but miscarriage is pretty small now and happy is getting bigger.

I saw a kick from the outside yesterday. Of course M wasn't watching, but I saw it!

Updated: Here is the link to Wordle. I used their site to make my fun word jumble.

23 Weeks

Keep on truckin’. I’m feeling good.

The good: Lots of movement. Not a lot of back pain this week. M was able to feel the baby move a few times this weekend. We were laying in bed over the weekend and I started getting some big kicks. I made him hold his hand over the spot for a while when we got a bunch of good kicks right in a row. He was smiling so much. Later on that day he hugged me and told me, “I felt the baby this morning!”

We talked about names a little more. M had two favorite names (which I don’t like). I have two favorite names. He likes the girl name, but isn’t too sure about the boy name. The baby name book is on the coffee table and we both pick it up and look at it, but we don’t talk much about it. I know lots of couples pick out names before they even get married. We are not like those couples. I’ve convinced some friends that we’re naming the kid Xavier Yvonne (our last name starts with a Z). They believe me.

My mom is going to come down in early February and we’re going to register. We have officially picked the nursery furniture. We still won’t order anything for a while. But we know.

The bad: Nothing bad this week. I do freak out when I don’t feel movement for like… 5 minutes. Then I talk some sense into myself and calm down. Then usually I get a nudge or a kick.

The ugly: The zits came back last weekend. It was gross. Then they went away again. I’m still cranky and tired. I have a short fuse right now and some people are rubbing me the wrong way. I wish I could just growl at them. Work is stressful for stupid reasons and someone outside is using a landscaping tool that makes annoying noises.

January 10, 2009

One year ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to severe cramping and lost my first baby. I was 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I knew it was coming and I'd been waiting a few days with only a little hope. I had no idea what to expect. I couldn't stop crying.

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night because a new baby was moving around all over the place. I couldn't stop smiling.

I couldn't be happier about where I am today and the contrast between myself one year ago and myself today is immeasurable.

My hopes are high right now. I hope that I'll be posting a similar thought on May 18th. One year after the worst days of my life, I hope to be experiencing the best days.